“What’s your deal? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course I’m not mad at you. Where’s this coming from?”

“You’ve been avoiding me—”

“No I haven’t.”

“We used to hang out together all the time and now you’re never around. We’re supposed to be best friends but lately I’ve been picking up this vibe, so if we’re not cool anymore just rip the bandaid off so I can move on with my life!”

“You think I’m ghosting you? It’s not that—”

“What is it, then?”

“I met someone.”

“You what? No way!”

“And I think he may be the one.”

“How long have you been seeing this guy? It is a guy, right? I mean, hey, no judgments, I’m cool with it all—”

“It’s a guy, and we’ve been seeing each other for about a month now.”

“A month? And you’re just telling me about it now?”

“I wanted to be sure. After Harry—”

“That turd-weasel. You’re lucky to be shut of him. If you ever find out that he died, let me know which cemetery so I can piss on his grave. But enough about him, gimme deets on the new guy!”

“Gustavo’s nothing like Harry—”

“Gustavo, huh? Dipping your toe in the exotic pool?”

“Well, I don’t know about exotic. He’s really shy, so I had to make the first move.”

“You brazen hussy!”

“But it was totally worth it because he’s so kind and doesn’t brag about himself all the time—”

“Like Harry.”

“And he’s a really good listener and he’s interested in all the things I’m into.”

“So, what’s he look like?”

“Well, he’s a bit shorter than I am—”

“I knew there had to be a drawback.”

“Shut up. I don’t mind at all. And there’s something about his eyes that are simply mesmerizing.”

“All right, I guess nice eyes are an okay trade-off for height.”

“Oh, and he’s a family man.”

“He has kids?”

“No, no, he’s the legal guardian of his two younger brothers and their adorable, just like he is.”