“I kicked a cat that crossed my path, strangled a bum panhandling for chump change, pushed a hipster into traffic for whistling that Young Folks song, and shivved a businessman on the subway for reading his newspaper in my face, and it’s only 9am. What the hell’s the matter with me?” the sweat-soaked, twitchy man asked.

The barista sighed and with the wisdom of Solomon, asked, “How many have you had today?”

“How many what?”

“Cups of coffee.”

“This’ll be my fifth.”

“Dude, maybe cut down a little.”

“On coffee?”

“Yeah.”

“Heresy!”