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low red blood cell count

There was a knock at Tim’s front door. Impossibly, there was a knock on a day there shouldn’t have been one. Not that it was a big disturbance, it had only interrupted his woolgathering. He began reading a book hours ago and somewhere along the way his mind drifted off to the point where he wouldn’t have been able, even with a gun pressed to his temple, to tell which page he was on or what part of the story he last read.

The knock again. Tim placed the book open face down on the side table. Next to it was the handheld trigger for the silent alarm which he picked up and let his thumb hover over the panic button. Should he press it or simply answer the door? Smart money was on activating the alarm but he had always been a slave to curiosity so he pocketed the remote, rose from his comfy chair, exited the living room and padded across the hardwood foyer floor on the balls of his feet.

The closer he got to the door he heard some sort of commotion going on outside and as his hand landed on the doorknob he drew in a deep breath and held it for a long moment to quell the anxious feeling hatching in the pit of his belly. Tim hadn’t realized just how unaccustomed he was to answering his own door, it had been so long.

As he turned the knob a thought crossed his mind, perhaps the person on the other side of the door, the lawbreaker, was a deranged lunatic or religious fanatic who saw it as their duty, their purpose, their God-given right to put an end to what they viewed as an abomination. He knew that wasn’t the case, though. The knock was far too polite. They were all so damned polite, the knockers. Lightly rapping on his door all day, all night, in any weather, even on holidays. Especially on holidays. The only time they didn’t knock was on Sunday, his sanctioned day of rest.

He opened the door to shouts and protests. A crowd of people clustered on his front porch began forming a semi-circle behind the woman who stood in the doorway directly in his face. They accused her of jumping the queue, shouted that what she was doing was illegal, and warned/threatened her with the prosecutable penalties of her actions. And the discontent was spreading along people of all ages, ethnicities, male and female alike who gathered in a line that ran the length of his front walk to the pavement, down the block, and most likely around the corner, who were waiting their turn for an audience. But all the chatter came to an abrupt halt the moment they caught sight of Tim.

The woman in front of him, the illegal knocker, had a familiar face but her features were too average, too face-in-the-crowd, to recall outright, Tim had to flip through his mental rolodex and play the association game. He twigged her face was connected to some sort of event that would have revealed a location that eventually would have produced a name. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed his mind and softened his focus and let his gears spin a bit until he came up with:

Fundraiser ~~> community center ~~> Dick Cole

This woman was a friend of Dick Cole. Linda something-or-other. Rhymed with seed. Greed? Mead? Plead?

“Linda Reid,” Tim smiled, more at the swiftness of the connection than the pleasure of seeing the woman. “It’s been a while. A couple of years, I think.”

“Settle down, everyone,” Tim addressed the throng beyond the woman. “You know I’m not allowed to accept appointments today so she’s not cutting in line ahead of any of you. She happens to be a friend.”

Tim gestured for Linda to step inside which prompted the grousing to recommence but he merely closed the door to let them vent amongst themselves.

“Sorry for causing a commotion,” Linda said, smiling a bit too much. “And for not keeping in touch. Things have been so hectic down at the center with budget cuts and understaffing…and other things, that I don’t socialize much anymore. And you’ve got a lot on your hands at the moment—”

Tim waved off the rest of the sentence. “No worries,” he said, leading her past the empty administrative desks and into the sitting room.

“Awful lot of furniture crowding your foyer,” Linda said.

“That’s for the staff, doormen, greeters, admin assistants, all government appointed. They see to visitors. There are also bodyguards posted at each of the house’s ingress and egress points but they all have the day off because it’s my day off.”

“I suppose that’s another thing I’m sorry for.”

“I don’t get many non-work related visitors so this is a welcomed change,” Tim said, gesturing for Linda to take a seat. “Can I get you anything? Water? Juice? Or I could put the kettle on?”

“Do you have anything stronger?” Linda asked sheepishly as she sat down.

“I don’t imbibe, I’m afraid. Rules of my employment and all.”

“Yes, of course, how foolish of me. Water’s fine, then.”

Tim popped into the kitchen and returned with two glasses and ice water in a silver pitcher dotted with dew-like condensation.

“Not to fret,” he said, sitting opposite Linda and filling her glass. “Most people never consider it when they drop by.”

She took the water glass and swallowed two gulps. “I–um–I think I have a slight confession to make.”

“This isn’t a social visit, is it?”

“I can explain.”

“Explain what exactly? That you’re a lawbreaker and you seek to make me complicit in your crime? Is this a trap? Did the organization send you? Are you here to test me? Well, I’m not having it so you can go back and tell your bosses that I don’t cut side deals to pocket a little extra cash. We made an arrangement and I’m honoring it to the best of my ability!”

“So, how does this go? Do I have to fill out an application? Sign a legal document? Do you need proof? I didn’t think to bring any with me but I can get whatever it is you need.”

“If your request is granted, you’ll need to sign a few documents, including one that absolves me of any blame should the outcome fail to have the desired effect,” he said automatically.

“Naturally, without a doubt,” Linda answered, a bit too eagerly.

They’re always so eager at this stage, before the harshness of reality sets in, Tim thought. “But for right now, all you have to do is tell me what brings you here.”

“Um, okay,” she adjusted herself in the seat and wondered how her breath could so suddenly get caught in her throat. “It isn’t for me, you understand, I’d never come to ask for myself.

It’s my fiancé, Dick, you’ve met him, in fact, he introduced us at a fundraiser two years ago.”

“Yes, I know Dick. What’s wrong with him?”

“He has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis,” Linda said in a quiet voice.

“Lou Gehrig’s disease.” Tim’s stomach turned over. He didn’t need her to elucidate further.

She nodded, her eyes fading down to the throw rug, absently tracing patterns. “It’s in the late stages now. I would have come sooner, but it’s taken me some time to talk Dick into this. He doesn’t think it seems right. Not what you do, that’s fine and he thinks you’re a saint for doing it. He doesn’t think it’s right asking you for help, especially this kind of help. Dick doesn’t want you or anyone else taking pity on him. He’s never taken a handout in his life and he can’t help but see this as charity.”

“Yes,” Tim said, not bothering to hear the rest of the pitch. That’s what they were, pitches. Not simple requests or implorations, these were stories designed to pull at his heartstrings. But who ever bothered to listen to his story? Not one of them. Not a single person among the many that crossed his threshold ever bothered asking him a personal question. As if he wasn’t human, as if he wasn’t allowed his own tragedy.

“What? I don’t understand.” She set the glass down on the nearby table, missing the coaster by half an inch. Tim either hadn’t noticed or decided not to comment.

“I’m saying, yes.”

“Yes, you’ll help?” Linda blinked and met the man’s gaze as a hopeful smile began to split her face.

“Yes.”

“I — I don’t know what to say,” she was on her feet before she knew what was happening, moving in for a hug. “I — thank you, Tim!”

Tim put his hand up, stopping the woman in her tracks. “Don’t thank me yet. There are still a few things you need to realize before you accept my offer.”

“It doesn’t matter. Anything! And I mean anything!” Interest colored her face.

“Please calm down for a moment and listen to me. This thing you’re asking of me, this gift of blood, it may not solve your problems and could possibly worsen matters for you.” Tim traced his finger around the rim of his glass.

“I’ll take that chance… we’ll take that chance!”

“Listen to me!” Tim brought the glass down on the table, just hard enough to startle and capture her full attention. At the cost of a wet sleeve and the water stains that would surely mark the cherry wood. “Ever since scientists discovered the curative properties of my blood, tests have been run. Mostly successful, I’m a match for all blood types, and my white blood cells haven’t encountered a disease it can’t cure—”

“Which is why I came to you. I did my research and you cured other ALS patients before—”

“The problem isn’t my blood,” he interrupted. “It’s Dick’s immune system reaction that’s the danger. If his body rejects my blood and tries to attack parts of it, there won’t be a second chance. He instantly becomes a non-match. On the other hand, if his body takes the transfusion, in a few month’s time, his white blood cells will resemble mine and he’ll automatically be enlisted in the same line of work as I am.”

The weight of Tim’s words slowly settled on Linda. “You mean, he’ll—?”

“He’ll never know another moment’s peace for the rest of his life. People will hound him, pleading for themselves or family or friends, day and night, night and day. Nonstop. Some gentle, others less so.”

“But why is that necessary?” Linda asked.

“My white blood cells can’t be synthesized. Top minds have tried and failed time and again. And although my blood can be stored, the white blood cells lose their miraculous properties over a period of thirty-six hours outside my body.

“I would have been strapped to a table in a laboratory for the rest of my natural life if I wasn’t for my brother. Hell of a lawyer. Fought his ass off to petition the quality of life rights that allow me the tiny bit of freedom I have. The stipulation is I must share my gift, triage the world, help the sickest among you. There are restrictions, legal hours when people have the right to approach me, but no one listens. How can they be expected to follow the rules when they or their loved ones are dying?

“I used to fight it. Turn people away when the established workday was through. Dealt with the angry mobs and the death threats. Then I asked myself, “Why?” Why fight my fate? If I’m meant to help people, why shouldn’t I do it when it needs to be done and not only when I want to do it? And there’s a selfish reason if I’m honest. You see, if I help enough people, if enough of the populace possesses my blood, I won’t be special anymore or alone in all this. Maybe then, when there’s enough blood to go around and my bit for the world is done, the price of my gift paid, maybe then I can be left alone to die in peace.”

Linda hesitated. She shook her head and turned to leave. “This… this is… “ She stumbled over the words, not knowing how to express her thoughts.

Tim realized too late that he said too much, chose the wrong person to unburden himself on. He regretted his action instantly. “It’s a lot to process, I know. Why don’t you go home and discuss it with Dick? You can contact me if you decide to go through with it.”

From his shirt pocket, he fished out a solid white business card, imprinted only with a faint phone number that had to be viewed at the proper angle in order to be seen. “A direct line, please don’t share it with anyone.”

“I won’t,” Linda muttered as she shambled to the doorway. “I — look, I know you can’t talk about the other people you’ve seen, but can you just tell me if anyone has ever turned down your help after you’ve explained everything to them?”

For a moment, Tim didn’t respond, he just watched as the hope drained from her face. “More people than you might imagine.” He noted she found no reassurance in his answer. He turned away, unable to look upon her sorrow any longer. He had his own to contend with.

Over his shoulder, he said, “Be sure you tell Dick everything I’ve told you, and if he refuses, try to understand. Sometimes there are worse things than death.”

Text and Audio ©1988 – 2021 Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

The Various Rules for Writing Fiction by Famous Authors

1. Read it aloud to yourself because that’s the only way to be sure the rhythms of the sentences are OK (prose rhythms are too complex and subtle to be thought out – they can be got right only by ear).

2. Cut (perhaps that should be CUT): only by having no ­inessential words can every essential word be made to count.

3. You don’t always have to go so far as to murder your darlings – those turns of phrase or images of which you felt extra proud when they appeared on the page – but go back and look at them with a very beady eye. Almost always it turns out that they’d be better dead. (Not every little twinge of satisfaction is suspect – it’s the ones which amount to a sort of smug glee you must watch out for.)

Diana Athill

Roddy Doyle

1. Do not place a photograph of your ­favourite author on your desk, especially if the author is one of the famous ones who committed suicide.

2. Do be kind to yourself. Fill pages as quickly as possible; double space, or write on every second line. Regard every new page as a small triumph ­–

3. Until you get to Page 50. Then calm down, and start worrying about the quality. Do feel anxiety – it’s the job.

4. Do give the work a name as quickly as possible. Own it, and see it. Dickens knew Bleak House was going to be called Bleak House before he started writing it. The rest must have been easy.

5. Do restrict your browsing to a few websites a day. Don’t go near the online bookies – unless it’s research.

6. Do keep a thesaurus, but in the shed at the back of the garden or behind the fridge, somewhere that demands travel or effort. Chances are the words that come into your head will do fine, eg “horse”, “ran”, “said”.

7. Do, occasionally, give in to temptation. Wash the kitchen floor, hang out the washing. It’s research.

8. Do change your mind. Good ideas are often murdered by better ones. I was working on a novel about a band called the Partitions. Then I decided to call them the Commitments.

9. Do not search amazon.co.uk for the book you haven’t written yet.

10. Do spend a few minutes a day working on the cover biog – “He divides his time between Kabul and Tierra del Fuego.” But then get back to work.

Roddy Doyle

1. Finish the day’s writing when you still want to continue.

2. Listen to what you have written. A dud rhythm in a passage of dialogue may show that you don’t yet understand the characters well enough to write in their voices.

3. Read Keats’s letters.

4. Reread, rewrite, reread, rewrite. If it still doesn’t work, throw it away. It’s a nice feeling, and you don’t want to be cluttered with the corpses of poems and stories which have everything in them except the life they need.

5. Learn poems by heart.

6. Join professional organisations which advance the collective rights of authors.

7. A problem with a piece of writing often clarifies itself if you go for a long walk.

8. If you fear that taking care of your children and household will damage your writing, think of JG Ballard.

9. Don’t worry about posterity – as Larkin (no sentimentalist) observed “What will survive of us is love”.

Helen Dunmore

1. Never worry about the commercial possibilities of a project. That stuff is for agents and editors to fret over – or not. Conversation with my American publisher. Me: “I’m writing a book so boring, of such limited commercial appeal, that if you publish it, it will probably cost you your job.” Publisher: “That’s exactly what makes me want to stay in my job.”

2. Don’t write in public places. In the early 1990s I went to live in Paris. The usual writerly reasons: back then, if you were caught writing in a pub in England, you could get your head kicked in, whereas in Paris, dans les cafés . . . Since then I’ve developed an aversion to writing in public. I now think it should be done only in private, like any other lavatorial activity.

3. Don’t be one of those writers who sentence themselves to a lifetime of sucking up to Nabokov.

4. If you use a computer, constantly refine and expand your autocorrect settings. The only reason I stay loyal to my piece-of-shit computer is that I have invested so much ingenuity into building one of the great auto­correct files in literary history. Perfectly formed and spelt words emerge from a few brief keystrokes: “Niet” becomes “Nietzsche”, “phoy” becomes  ­”photography” and so on. ­Genius!

5. Keep a diary. The biggest regret of my writing life is that I have never kept a journal or a diary.

6. Have regrets. They are fuel. On the page they flare into desire.

7. Have more than one idea on the go at any one time. If it’s a choice between writing a book and doing nothing I will always choose the latter. It’s only if I have an idea for two books that I choose one rather than the other. I ­always have to feel that I’m bunking off from something.

8. Beware of clichés. Not just the ­clichés that Martin Amis is at war with. There are clichés of response as well as expression. There are clichés of observation and of thought – even of conception. Many novels, even quite a few adequately written ones, are ­clichés of form which conform to clichés of expectation.

9. Do it every day. Make a habit of putting your observations into words and gradually this will become instinct. This is the most important rule of all and, naturally, I don’t follow it.

10. Never ride a bike with the brakes on. If something is proving too difficult, give up and do something else. Try to live without resort to per­severance. But writing is all about ­perseverance. You’ve got to stick at it. In my 30s I used to go to the gym even though I hated it. The purpose of ­going to the gym was to postpone the day when I would stop going. That’s what writing is to me: a way of ­postponing the day when I won’t do it any more, the day when I will sink into a depression so profound it will be indistinguishable from perfect bliss.

Geoff Dyer

1. The first 12 years are the worst.

2. The way to write a book is to actually write a book. A pen is useful, typing is also good. Keep putting words on the page.

3. Only bad writers think that their work is really good.

4. Description is hard. Remember that all description is an opinion about the world. Find a place to stand.

5. Write whatever way you like. Fiction is made of words on a page; reality is made of something else. It doesn’t matter how “real” your story is, or how “made up”: what matters is its necessity.

6. Try to be accurate about stuff.

7. Imagine that you are dying. If you had a terminal disease would you ­finish this book? Why not? The thing that annoys this 10-weeks-to-live self is the thing that is wrong with the book. So change it. Stop arguing with yourself. Change it. See? Easy. And no one had to die.

8. You can also do all that with whiskey.

9. Have fun.

10. Remember, if you sit at your desk for 15 or 20 years, every day, not ­counting weekends, it changes you. It just does. It may not improve your temper, but it fixes something else. It makes you more free.

Anne Enright

I Feel the Need, the Need For the Careful Build of Momentum

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You’ve finally finished your latest piece of fiction. Congratulations! Once you’ve stuck a feather in your cap and given your back a big, hearty slap, you pass your gem along to a trusted reader… and the notes you get back are, “the story feels uneven/ seems melodramatic/ lacks momentum/ becomes anticlimactic” and you haven’t got the foggiest how that could be possible. You made sure your writing has all the basic components a story of this type should have, so where’s the problem?

The simple and direct answer to that would be pacing, my friend.

Proper pacing is one of the critical elements needed to keep your audience actively engaged and as a writer you must develop structural and word choice skills and use a variety of devices to control the speed and rhythm at which your plot unfolds.

Here are a few tips to start you on your journey:

1. The most obvious momentum control is length.

When writing a tense scene—filled with action, danger or crisis—you want your audience to experience feelings of speed and intensity. There’s no room for distractions here, just the meat of the nutshell, which is accomplished by keeping your descriptions and sentences concise, and if there’s any dialogue, have your characters spit it out at a rapid-fire tempo.

During the times when you need to establish a character, place or event in order to build a foundation for your story, longer scenes with more descriptive sentences, character thoughts, richer dialogue and transitions, come into play.

2. Give your audience a chance to catch their breath.

Let’s say one of your strengths is creating sharp, high-tension scenes. You trim the fat off sentences, annihilate unnecessary prepositional phrases, and swap out passive linking verbs for active ones like a pro. In fact, you’re so good at it that it becomes your default style of writing. That’s great. I’m pleased as punch for ya. Your audience—not to mention your characters—however, will need a breather between high conflict points, which means you must vary your pacing by providing a slower, more introspective scene. Balancing your story with intentional calm moments also ensures your electrifying scenes maintain their power.

3. The devil—and a slower pace—is in the details.

I’ve mentioned in other posts that you should always plant your feet firmly in the soil of your story, and if you can accomplish this, it pays off during scenes when something extremely dramatic is about to happen. This is where you take your time and describe everything in detail so that your audience feels the full impact.

4. Remember the advice, “show, don’t tell?” Well, it doesn’t always apply.

Yup, I know, it’s been drilled into your head countless times and I’ve even written about it (see: Skip The Tell And Bring On The Show) but there are always exceptions to the rules. Tedium is the primary cause for this rule break, as your intention is to keep your audience’s focused on the important and interesting matters. By telling rather than showing, you can skim over unimportant scenes that you don’t want to linger on.

5. Become a master manipulator (of word choice and sentence structure)

You don’t need me to tell you that words are the tools by which you control the worlds you create, and those same words—both singular and in groupings—are your first best means of managing your story’s pace. But the manipulation of the length of words, phrases and clauses to control the ebb and flow of sentence and paragraph structures, isn’t the only way deal with pace. You also have allies in cliffhangers and prolonged outcomes.

Now that I’ve mentioned cliffhanger, you’re no doubt thinking, “oh yeah, naturally…” because as an avid reader, you know first hand that you hate being left in the lurch and will quickly flip the page to discover what happens next. Your job as a writer will be to introduce that uncertainty in the form of an impending threat, an interruption in the action, unfinished business, or a dangling peril.

Prolonged outcomes, on first thought, might appear to require a slower pacing, but the reverse is actually true. When you prolong an event, the story speed increases because you’ve piqued your audience’s interest and they’re eager to discover how the events play out and pay off.

As with all my posts, this is simply rudimentary information, and you will come to notice that each story you write has its own unique pace. Some will speed along fast and furious, while others will make their way unhurriedly to the end. What’s important is that you’re not only aware of the message your story’s pace conveys to the audience, but are also in absolute control of it.

Sally forth–at the proper pace–and be writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

Unlock Your Inner Story

Photo: Unlock your inner story ...

They say, “Everyone has at least one good book in them” and while I think book might be a bit of a stretch, I wholeheartedly believe that everyone has at least one good story in them. The natural length—the pure story without padding or the encumbrance of unnecessary detail or description—of which can range from flash fiction (under 1,000 words) to short story (under 7,500 words) to novelette (7,500 to 17,500 words) to novella (17,500 to 40,000 words) to a proper novel (over 40,000 words).

No matter how non-creative you believe yourself to be, your brain is nonetheless gifted with the special ability of imagination, and regardless of how infrequently you put it to use, you still are able to dream up intricate realities, despite your age or IQ level. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, projected a new reality in our minds in the form of daydreaming our desires? And no two daydreams are exactly the same since we each possess unique preferences, points of view, wants and needs.

Yet, even armed with the knowledge of this gift, we, as writers, tend to suffer because we either do not fully believe in or properly comprehend our true nature as creators. Sure, we continue to imagine “what if” scenarios but sometimes we find it difficult to allow those thoughts to flow through us—the conduit—and blossom into the stories they need to become.

The following list isn’t a step-by-step “how to” guide, because no one can tell you precisely what you need to do to access your inner story. You are a totally unique entity, after all. View it more as a broom to help you sweep away the clutter piled up on the footpath to your personal tale.

1. Examine your self-image.

The first battle you must face is the one against your self-image. You are more than pen and paper, more than a keyboard, more than “just another writer” or more than whatever obstacle your past or conditioning has placed in your path. The main reason why most writers fail to connect with their inner story is because of their limited knowledge of who they truly are.

As flawed human beings we are so engrossed with the perceptions of who we are that we fail to see that we are usually the source for the reality we have created for ourselves. Sure, the walls of the prison may have been constructed by events of the past, by family, peers or environment, but we continue to fortify the walls and never once open the lock–the key is always in our possession–push the cell door to step out into freedom.

This in no way suggests you have to deconstruct your self-image–unless that’s your goal, then by all means, have at it. You’re merely peeling away the layers of the identity you’ve created for yourself for societal purposes and exposing your core self, the real you. Don’t worry, it’s only for the exercise of writing. You can reapply your layers once you’re done.

Your secret identity is safe with me.

2. Take note of your gifts.

Different from writer traits–talent, the hunger for knowledge, and diligence–a writer’s gift can range from an eye for detail, to a flair for description, to a talent for dialogue. Or, you might not even be aware of your talents, so I want you to grab a piece of paper and something to write with and in 60 seconds jot down a list of what you’re good at. Don’t think about it. Simply jot down, off the top of your head, the things that come easiest to you when you write.

All done? Now take a long, hard, honest look at your list. The things you don’t concentrate on, those bits and bobs that just sort of come naturally to you when you write… those are your gifts. You’d be surprised to discover how many writers aren’t aware of their innate skills because they aren’t utilized in their everyday work lives and wind up being placed in the “Hobby” category.

3. Exploit your strengths. 

Since you’re bothering to read this, my guess is that you’ve written a couple of pieces already and maybe even finished a few of them. Now, if you’re an avid reader, you will have no doubt compared your piece to your author idols, and have developed the brutally honest ability to cast a critical eye upon your own work and spot areas in your writing that aren’t as strong as others. And since the writing isn’t perfect, you are therefore a horrible writer who should no longer legally be allowed to string a sentence together in an email, let alone write a story.

Maybe it’s true. Maybe you really are a bad writer–hey, they exist–but that’s not my call to make. I don’t know you, so I’ll assume you at least have some fundamental writing potential. However, no matter how good you are, there is one basic truth you must learn to face: Your writing will never be perfect. Why? As stated in a previous post: Because wunderkind wasn’t conveniently inserted into your backstory, and perfection isn’t DNA-encodable at this point in time. Still, you should always strive to get your writing as close to perfection as you can manage, and accept the fact that: It. Will. Not. Be. Perfect.

Maybe you can’t write a convincing love scene. Maybe you struggle with organic dialogue. Maybe you get stumped when attempting to create a character’s internal arc. Maybe you’re rubbish at tying up all your story’s loose threads. Console yourself in the knowledge that you wouldn’t be the first. A few of these “weaknesses” and more are true for authors of published works, some of which even make bestseller lists.

And because, as a writer, you are always a student and ever pushing yourself and learning new ways to hone your craft, you will eventually learn to strengthen your weaknesses. In the meantime, put all of the aspects of your writing into perspective, make a deal to stop beating yourself up so much, and focus on your strengths. They’re your “A” game.

4. Gird your loins against the enemy.

In addition to dealing with possible self-image barriers, there are other obstacles that can block your path: Fear, intimidation, procrastination, and self-doubt. The problem with these buggers is that they often take the form of lies you tell yourself. And they happen to be effective as hell because they insulate your brain from facing unpleasantries, in this case the difficult portions of the writing process that you need to slog through in order to strike gold.

The biggest lie you can tell yourself as a writer is, “I’ll do it later.” It’s a dishonest postponement because later never comes. If you don’t confront the enemies that keep you from your writing and tamp the bastards down long enough to complete your piece, then you don’t have what it takes to be a writer. Staring into the gaping maw of the harsh realities that terrify you is one of the most important parts of the process.

Slap a “H” on your chest and “Handle” it.

5. Identify your genre.

At this point, you arch an eyebrow and ask, “Rhyan, how can anyone not know the genre of their story?”

The answer lies within the fact that writers are creators. Some are resistant to the notion of placing labels or classifications on their work. For others, classification difficulties arise when their piece contains elements from several genres as some writers disagree with the act of limiting creative freedom in order to adhere to strictly delineated genre segregation.

For your audience, knowing the genre sets not only the stage, but their expectations as well, and puts them in the proper mindset to both understand and accept the rules of your story.

At this stage in the process, the importance of identifying your genre has to do with story mechanics. Certain elements step to the forefront and operate differently depending on genre, so you should be aware of the rules of the category–even if you decide to break them because of the maverick you are–as you’re arranging your idea into the proper story structure (see: Simple Anatomy of a Plot Outline).

6. Plant your feet firmly in the soil of your story.

This is your story. First and foremost, it must feel natural to you. No matter how fantastical the environment, how outrageous the yarn you’re spinning, if you don’t feel confident in the pocket dimension you’ve created, there’s little chance of you selling the story as being credible. Your job is to take utter nonsense and portray it with as much authenticity as possible.

7. Go with your gut.

Some people seek permission to write. Thinly disguised under the “Oh, it’s just an idea I’m toying with” veil, they will ask family and friends if they should write about such-and-such or if this-that-or-the-other-thing would make an interesting topic.

I urge you not to be this person.

I’m reminded of a quote by Jerome Lawrence, “The whole point of writing is to have something in your gut or in your soul or in your mind that’s burning to be written.” So, if you can actually feel inspiration or instinct churning like hot snakes in your gut to write, forget the opinions of those around you, disregard the idea of “should” and just go for it.

Never live with regret, if you can help it.

8. Do it now. No better time than the present. 

To snatch a line from Pixar’s Ratatouille “Why not here? Why not now?”

By now you know you must show up for writing everyday, and there’s no time like the present. So, why not find yourself a quiet spot, practice listening, and trust what you hear. That’s your inner story talking to you, and it not only has to be unlocked but it must be accessible at will.

I know it’s become hackneyed to instruct you to follow your bliss, but if you deny your instincts to do what you truly want to do, then the problem becomes one of trust. Do you trust the voice within you or do you trust reality as you are made to perceive it? Or, are you willing to trust the voice and write what you hear, no matter how crazy it sounds?

You have to learn to be compassionate with yourself, as well as having compassion for yourself. Especially during the vulnerable times when you’re blocked and can’t bring yourself to write because you’re scared you’ll be rejected. Take some small comfort in knowing you’re not alone in this.

Since all art must be criticized, every single published author had to overcome fear of rejection. What you need to keep in mind is that your audience–human, just the same as you–can only relate to your writing from their own experience, and sometimes their feedback will be negative. That doesn’t necessarily indicate problems in your writing, and may simply reflect a varying viewpoint.

But fear of rejection has no business rearing its ugly head right now as it’s time for you to honor your inner story by listening to the words it shares with you and writing about it. Trust me, if you’re willing to enjoy the process, you can write damn near anything.

So, why not sally forth and be inner story writeful?

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

Famous Thoughts on Grammar and Usage

1. “You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country.” — Robert Frost

2. “Word has somehow got around that the split infinitive is always wrong. That is a piece with the outworn notion that it is always wrong to strike a lady.” — James Thurber

3. “It is indeed acceptable practice to sometimes split an infinitive. If infinitive-splitting makes available just the shade of meaning you desire or if avoiding the separation creates a confusing ambiguity or patent artificiality, you are entitled to happily go ahead and split!” — Richard Lederer

4. “When you catch an adjective, kill it.” — Mark Twain

5. “The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.” — Clifton Fadiman

6. “The adjective is the enemy of the noun.” — Voltaire

7. “If the noun is good and the verb is strong, you almost never need an adjective.” — J. Anthony Lukas

8. “Don’t say it was ‘delightful’; make us say ‘delightful’ when we’ve read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers ‘Please will you do my job for me?’” — C.S. Lewis

9. “Forward motion in any piece of writing is carried by verbs. Verbs are the action words of the language and the most important. Turn to any passage on any page of a successful novel and notice the high percentage of verbs. Beginning writers always use too many adjectives and adverbs and generally use too many dependent clauses. Count your words and words of verbal force (like that word “force” I just used).” — William Sloane

10. “The editorial ‘we’ has often been fatal to rising genius; though all the world knows that it is only a form of speech, very often employed by a single needy blockhead.” — Thomas Baington Macaulay

11. “Only presidents, editors and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial ‘we.’” — Mark Twain

Writing Joke of the Day: Comforting a Grammar Nazi

Q: What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi?
A: There, Their, They’re

English Professor

“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Library

A Texan was visiting Harvard University, and was lost. He stopped a student and asked, “Do you know where the library is at?”

“I sure do,” replied the student, “But, you know, you’re not supposed to end sentences with prepositions.”

“What?”

“Prepositions. You ended your sentence with an ‘at’, which you aren’t supposed to do.”

“Oh, ok,” said the Texan, “Do you know where the library is at, asshole?”

Grammar walks into a Bar

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They Drink. They Leave

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

A Question mark walks into a bar?

Two Quotation marks “walk into” a bar.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking a drink.

The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A synonym ambles into a pub.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.

A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed everything.

A run on sentence walks into a bar it is thirsty.

Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapsed to the bar floor.

A group of homophones wok inn two a bar.

Panda

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.

“Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

Neil Gaiman reads from The Graveyard Book

A favorite writer of mine, Neil Gaiman. Enjoy as he reads from The Graveyard Book, winner of the 2010 Cilip Carnegie Medal, the Newbery Medal and the Booktrust Teenage Book Prize 2009, and shortlisted for the Kate Greenaway Award.

Coined by the Immortal Bard: Popular Words and Phrases

shakespear-infographic_small

Many of the words and phrases we casually toss about in our everyday conversations can be traced back to a man who is considered the greatest writer of the English language, William Shakespeare. He boldly toyed with the language–as any good writer should–turning nouns into verbs, verbs into adjectives, adding prefixes and suffixes, and joining unrelated words to create new definitions. Below is a list of a few of the phrases and words coined by the immortal bard:

Phrases:

  • All that glitters is not gold (The Merchant of Venice)(“glisters”)
  • All’s well that ends well (title)
  • As good luck would have it (The Merry Wives of Windsor)
  • As merry as the day is long (Much Ado About Nothing / King John)
  • Bated breath (The Merchant of Venice)
  • Bear a charmed life (Macbeth)
  • Be-all and the end-all (Macbeth)
  • Better foot before (“best foot forward”) (King John)
  • The better part of valor is discretion (I Henry IV; possibly already a known saying)
  • In a better world than this (As You Like It)
  • Brave new world (The Tempest)
  • Break the ice (The Taming of the Shrew)
  • Breathed his last (3 Henry VI)
  • Brevity is the soul of wit (Hamlet)
  • Refuse to budge an inch (Measure for Measure / Taming of the Shrew)
  • Cold comfort (The Taming of the Shrew / King John)
  • Come what come may (“come what may”) (Macbeth)
  • Dead as a doornail (2 Henry VI)
  • A dish fit for the gods (Julius Caesar)
  • Dog will have his day (Hamlet; quoted earlier by Erasmus and Queen Elizabeth)
  • Devil incarnate (Titus Andronicus / Henry V)
  • Eaten me out of house and home (2 Henry IV)
  • Elbow room (King John; first attested 1540 according to Merriam-Webster)
  • Faint hearted (I Henry VI)
  • Fancy-free (Midsummer Night’s Dream)
  • Fight till the last gasp (I Henry VI)
  • Flaming youth (Hamlet)
  • Forever and a day (As You Like It)
  • For goodness’ sake (Henry VIII)
  • Foregone conclusion (Othello)
  • Full circle (King Lear)
  • The game is afoot (I Henry IV)
  • The game is up (Cymbeline)
  • Give the devil his due (I Henry IV)
  • Good riddance (Troilus and Cressida)
  • Jealousy is the green-eyed monster (Othello)
  • It was Greek to me (Julius Caesar)
  • Heart of gold (Henry V)
  • ‘Tis high time (The Comedy of Errors)
  • Hoist with his own petard (Hamlet)
  • Household words (Henry V)
  • Improbable fiction (Twelfth Night)
  • In a pickle (The Tempest)
  • In my heart of hearts (Hamlet)
  • In my mind’s eye (Hamlet)
  • Infinite space (Hamlet)
  • Infirm of purpose (Macbeth)
  • It is but so-so(As You Like It)
  • It smells to heaven (Hamlet)
  • Itching palm (Julius Caesar)
  • Kill with kindness (Taming of the Shrew)
  • Killing frost (Henry VIII)
  • Knit brow (The Rape of Lucrece)
  • Knock knock! Who’s there? (Macbeth)
  • Laid on with a trowel (As You Like It)
  • Laughing stock (The Merry Wives of Windsor)
  • Laugh yourself into stitches (Twelfth Night)
  • Lean and hungry look (Julius Caesar)
  • Lie low (Much Ado about Nothing)
  • Live long day (Julius Caesar)
  • Love is blind (Merchant of Venice)
  • Melted into thin air (The Tempest)
  • Though this be madness, yet there is method in it (“There’s a method to my madness”) (Hamlet)
  • Make a virtue of necessity (The Two Gentlemen of Verona)
  • Milk of human kindness (Macbeth)
  • Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows (The Tempest)
  • Much Ado About Nothing (title)
  • Murder most foul (Hamlet)
  • Naked truth (Love’s Labours Lost)
  • Neither rhyme nor reason (As You Like It)
  • Not slept one wink (Cymbeline)
  • [Obvious] as a nose on a man’s face (The Two Gentlemen of Verona)
  • One fell swoop (Macbeth)
  • Time is out of joint (Hamlet)
  • Out of the jaws of death (Twelfth Night)
  • Own flesh and blood (Hamlet)
  • Star-crossed lovers (Romeo and Juliet)
  • Parting is such sweet sorrow (Romeo and Juliet)
  • What’s past is prologue (The Tempest)
  • [What] a piece of work [is man] (Hamlet)
  • Pitched battle (Taming of the Shrew)
  • Play fast and loose (King John)
  • Pomp and circumstance (Othello)
  • Primrose path (Hamlet)
  • Quality of mercy is not strained (The Merchant of Venice)
  • Salad days (Antony and Cleopatra)
  • Seen better days (As You Like It? Timon of Athens?)
  • Send packing (I Henry IV)
  • Make short shrift (Richard III)
  • Sick at heart (Hamlet)
  • Snail paced (Troilus and Cressida)
  • Something in the wind (The Comedy of Errors)
  • Something wicked this way comes (Macbeth)
  • A sorry sight (Macbeth)
  • Sound and fury (Macbeth)
  • Spotless reputation (Richard II)
  • Stony hearted (I Henry IV)
  • Such stuff as dreams are made on (The Tempest)
  • Smooth runs the water where the brook is deep (“Still waters run deep”) (2 Henry VI)
  • The short and the long of it (The Merry Wives of Windsor)
  • Sweets to the sweet (Hamlet)
  • Swift as a shadow (A Midsummer Night’s Dream
  • Set my teeth on edge (I Henry IV)
  • Tell truth and shame the devil (1 Henry IV)
  • There’s no such thing (?) (Macbeth)
  • There’s the rub (Hamlet)
  • This mortal coil (Hamlet)
  • To gild refined gold, to pain the lily (“to gild the lily”) (King John)
  • To thine own self be true (Hamlet)
  • Too much of a good thing (As You Like It)
  • Tower of strength (Richard III)
  • Towering passion (Hamlet)
  • Trippingly on the tongue (Hamlet)
  • Wear my heart upon my sleeve (Othello)
  • What’s done is done (Macbeth)
  • What the dickens (The Merry Wives of Windsor)
  • Wild-goose chase (Romeo and Juliet)
  • Working-day world (As You Like It)
  • The world’s my oyster (Merry Wives of Windsor)

Words: 

  • accommodation (Othello)
  • accused (n.) (Richard II — first known use as a noun, meaning person accused of a crime)
  • addiction (Henry V / Othello)
  • admirable (several; seems unlikely)
  • advertising (adj.)(Measure for Measure; in context, means “being attentive”; the noun was already in use)
  • aerial (Othello)
  • alligator (Romeo and Juliet; Spanish “aligarto” was already in use in English)
  • amazement (13 instances; first known use as a noun)
  • anchovy (I Henry IV; first attestation in English of the Spanish word for dried edible fish)
  • apostrophe (“apostrophas”)(Love’s Labour’s Lost; seems to be a well-known word already)
  • arch-villain (Measure for Measure / Timon of Athens)
  • to arouse (2 Henry VI / Hamlet; “rouse” was the usual form)
  • assassination (Macbeth; “assassin” was already in use and derives from “hashish eater”)
  • auspicious (several; “auspice” was a Roman practice of fortune-telling by bird flight)
  • backing (I Henry VI; this is just a pun on a known word)
  • bandit (II Henry VI, actually “bandetto”, the first attestation in English of a familiar Italian word for people “banned”, i.e., outlaws)
  • barefaced (in the sense of “barefaced power”) (Macbeth)
  • baseless (in the sense of fantasy without grounding in fact) (The Tempest)
  • beached (several, merely means “possessing a beach”)
  • bedazzled (The Taming of the Shrew)
  • bedroom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream, merely means a place to sleep on the ground)
  • belongings (Measure for Measure)
  • to besmirch (Henry V)
  • birthplace (Coriolanus; first attestation)
  • to blanket (King Lear; first use as a verb)
  • bloodstained (I Henry IV)
  • blusterer (A Lover’s Complaint)
  • bold-faced (I Henry VI)
  • bottled (Richard III)
  • bump (Romeo and Juliet; first attestation of onomopoeic word)
  • buzzer (Hamlet; means gossipper)
  • to cake (Timon of Athens, first attestation as a verb)
  • to castigate (Timon of Athens)
  • to cater (As You Like It; from coetous, a buyer of provisions)
  • clangor (3 Henry VI / 2 Henry IV)
  • to champion (Macbeth; first attestation as a verb, and in an older sense of “to challenge”; though the noun was familiar as someone who would fight for another)
  • circumstantial (As You Like It / Cymbeline; first attestation in the sense of “indirect”)
  • cold-blooded (King John; first use to mean “lack of emotion”)
  • coldhearted (Antony and Cleopatra)
  • compact (several; seems to have been a common word)
  • to comply (Othello)
  • to compromise (The Merchant of Venice, several of the histories; seems to have been already in use)
  • to cow (Macbeth; first use in English of a Scandinavian verb)
  • consanguineous (Twelfth Night; “consanguinity” was already in use)
  • control (n.) (Twelfth Night)
  • countless (Titus Andronicus / Pericles)
  • courtship (several, seems unikely)
  • critic (Love’s Labour’s Lost; Latin term)
  • critical (not in today’s sense) (Othello, A Midsummer Night’s Dream)
  • cruelhearted (The Two Gentlemen of Verona)
  • Dalmatians (Cymbeline)
  • dauntless (Macbeth)
  • dawn (I Henry IV, King John; first use as a noun, the standard had been “dawning”)
  • day’s work (several, must have been a common expression)
  • deafening (II Henry IV; in the sense of a noise that is loud but does not produce real deafness)
  • to denote (several; already a word in Latin)
  • depository
  • discontent (Richard III / Titus Andronicus; the verb was in use but this is the first attestation as a noun)
  • design (several, seems unlikely)
  • dexterously (Twelfth Night)
  • dialogue (several, seems already familiar)
  • disgraceful (I Henry VI; means “not graceful”)
  • dishearten (Henry V)
  • to dislocate (King Lear, refers to anatomy)
  • distasteful (Timon of Athens)
  • distracted (Hamlet / Measure for Measure; seems possible)
  • divest (Henry V / King Lear; probably already in use as referring to a royal title)
  • domineering (Love’s Labour’s Lost; from a Dutch word)
  • downstairs (I Henry IV, supposedly first use as an adjective)
  • droplet (Timon of Athens)
  • to drug (Macbeth; first use as a verb)
  • to dwindle (I Henry IV / Macbeth, seems already familiar as a term for body wasting)
  • to educate (Love’s Labour’s Lost)
  • to elbow (King Lear; first use as a verb)
  • embrace (I Henry VI; first use as a noun)
  • employer (Much Ado about Nothing)
  • employment (several, obviously familiar)
  • engagement (several, seems simply the first attestation)
  • to enmesh (Othello)
  • to ensnare (Othello)
  • enrapt (Troilus and Cressida)
  • enthroned (Antony and Cleopatra)
  • epileptic (King Lear; first use as an adjective, though the noun was old)
  • equivocal (Othello / All’s Well that Ends Well; first use as adjective, though the verb “to equivocate” was familiar)
  • eventful (As You Like It)
  • excitement (Hamlet / Troilus and Cressida; both times as plural; first use as a noun)
  • expedience (several, supposedly first use as noun)
  • exposure (several, supposedly first use as noun)
  • eyeball (The Tempest)
  • eyedrops (II Henry IV; means “tears”)
  • eyesore (The Taming of the Shrew)
  • fanged (Hamlet, first attestation)
  • farmhouse (The Merry Wives of Windsor; first known use of the compound)
  • far-off (several, seems already familiar)
  • fashionable (Timon of Athens / Troilus and Cressida)
  • fathomless (not today’s sense) (Troilus and Cressida)
  • fitful (Macbeth)
  • fixture (not current sense) (Merry Wives of Windsor / Winter’s Tale)
  • flawed (King Lear; first use as an adjective)
  • flowery (A Midsummer Night’s Dream)
  • foppish (King Lear)
  • fortune-teller (The Comedy of Errors)
  • to forward (I Henry IV; first use as a verb)
  • foul-mouthed (several, seems already familiar)
  • freezing (Cymbeline)
  • frugal (several; “frugality” was already in common use)
  • full-grown (Pericles)
  • gallantry (Troilus and Cressida)
  • generous (several, obviously already known)
  • gloomy (several, “to gloom” was a verb)
  • glow (several; the word had originally meant red-and-warm)
  • gnarled (Measure for Measure; alteration of knurled which was a standard word for bumpy)
  • go-between (several, seems familiar)
  • to gossip (The Comedy of Errors; first use as a verb; “gossip” was one’s familiar friends)
  • gust (III Henry VI, seems already familiar and was an Old Norse word)
  • half-blooded (King Lear)
  • hint (Othello, first use in today’s sense)
  • hob-nails (I Henry IV, alleged; seems already familiar)
  • hobnob (Twelfth Night; older term was “hab, nab”, and not in today’s sense)
  • homely (several, seems already familiar)
  • honey-tongued (Love’s Labour’s Lost)
  • hoodwinked (already known from falconry)
  • hostile (several, seems like a word that is already familiar)
  • hot-blooded (The Merry Wives of Windsor / King Lear)
  • housekeeping (The Taming of the Shrew; seems unlikely)
  • howl (several, clearly familiar)
  • to humor (Love’s Labour’s Lost, first attestation as a verb)
  • hunchbacked (can’t find)
  • to hurry (Comedy of Errors, first attestation as verb)
  • ill-tempered (can’t find)
  • immediacy (King Lear, first use as noun)
  • impartial (2 Henry IV)
  • to impede (Macbeth, first use as verb, though “impediment” was already widely used)
  • import (several, and not used in the modern sense)
  • immediacy (King Lear, first attestation as a noun)
  • importantly (Cymbeline, first attestation as an adverb)
  • inaudible (All’s Well that Ends Well; “audible” was already in use)
  • inauspicious (Romeo and Juliet)
  • indistinguishable (not in today’s sense)(Troilus and Cressida)
  • inducement (several, seems unlikely)
  • investment (II Henry IV, not in present sense)
  • invitation (The Merry Wives of Windsor; signifies “flirting”)
  • invulnerable King John / Hamlet / The Tempest; first attestation for the negative; Coriolanus has unvulnerable)
  • jaded (several, seems already a term of contempt)
  • Judgement Day (I Henry VI; usual term had been “Day of Judgement”)
  • juiced (Merry Wives of Windsor; first attestation as an adjective)
  • kissing (several, first attestation of the participle, though surely not its first use)
  • lackluster (As You Like It)
  • ladybird (Romeo and Juliet)
  • to lament (several, seems already familiare)
  • to lapse (several, first attestation as a verb, though already familiar as a noun)
  • to launder (first use as a verb; “laundress” was in common use)
  • laughable (The Merchant of Venice)
  • leaky (Antony and Cleopatra / The Tempest)
  • leapfrog (Henry V; first attestation but seems unlikely as a coinage)
  • lonely (several, seems unlikely)
  • long-legged (can’t find)
  • love letter (can’t find)
  • to lower (several, seems already known)
  • luggage (first use as noun)
  • lustrous (Twelfth Night / All’s Well that Ends Well)
  • madcap (several, attestation as adjective; the noun had become popular just before)
  • majestic (several, first use as adjective)
  • majestically (I Henry IV; first attestation as adverb)
  • malignancy (Twelfth Night, seems possible)
  • manager (Love’s Labour’s Lost / Midsummer Night’s Dream; first attestation as noun)
  • marketable (As You Like It; first use as adjective)
  • militarist (All’s Well that Ends Well)
  • mimic (Midsummer Night’s Dream)
  • misgiving (Julius Caesar; first use as noun, though “to misgive” was in common use)
  • misplaced (several, seems unlikely)
  • to misquote (1 Henry IV; not in the present sense)
  • money’s worth (Love’s Labours Lost)
  • monumental (several, seems unlikely)
  • moonbeam (A Midsummer Night’s Dream)
  • mortifying (Merchant of Venice / Much Ado About Nothing )
  • motionless (Henry V)
  • mountaineer (Cymbeline; the sense is “hillbilly”)
  • multitudinous (Macbeth)
  • neglect (several, obviously already known)
  • to negotiate (Much Ado about Nothing / Twelfth Night; verb from the Latin)
  • new-fallen (Venus and Adonis / I Henry IV)
  • new-fangled (Love’s Labour’s Lost / As You Like It)
  • nimble-footed (several, seems already a familiar expression)
  • noiseless (King Lear / All’s Well that Ends Well)
  • to numb (King Lear, first attestation as a transitive verb)
  • obscene (several; straight from Latin)
  • obsequiously (first use of the adverb; comes from “obsequies”, or funeral rites)
  • outbreak (Hamlet, first attestation as a noun)
  • to outdare (I Henry IV)
  • to outgrow (can’t find)
  • to outweigh (can’t find)
  • over-cool (II Henry IV)
  • overgrowth (can’t find)
  • over-ripened (II Henry VI ;first-use of the familiar compound)
  • over-weathered The Merchant of Venice)
  • overview (can’t find)
  • pageantry (Pericles Prince of Tyre)
  • pale-faced (A Midsummer Night’s Dream)
  • to pander (several; was already a proverb)
  • pedant (several, seems already in common use for a stuffy teacher)
  • perplex (King John / Cymbeline)
  • perusal (Sonnets / Hamlet; first use as a noun)
  • to petition (Antony and Cleopatra / Coriolanus; first use as a verb)
  • pious (several, seems very unlikely)
  • posture (several, seems known)
  • premeditated (several; first attestation of the adjective, though the noun was in use)
  • priceless
  • Promethean (Othello / Love’s Labour’s Lost)
  • protester (not today’s sense) (Julius Caesar)
  • published (2 Henry VI)
  • puking (As You Like It)
  • puppy-dog (King John / Henry V)
  • on purpose (several; seems very unlikely)
  • quarrelsome (As You Like It / Taming of the Shrew)
  • questing (As You Like It; first use of the gerund)
  • in question (several, seems already in use)
  • radiance (several; first use as noun)
  • to rant (The Merry Wives of Windsor / Hamlet; loan-word from Dutch or previously-unattested English word?)
  • rancorous (2 Henry VI, Comedy of Errors, Richard III, all early plays, seems unlikely)
  • raw-boned (I Henry VI)
  • reclusive (Much Ado about Nothing; first use as adjective)
  • reinforcement (Troilus and Cressida / Coriolanus; seems already in use)
  • reliance
  • remorseless (several, first attestation of this form)
  • reprieve (several, obviously already in use)
  • resolve (several, obviously already in use)
  • restoration (King Lear)
  • restraint (several, seems already familiar)
  • retirement (II Henry IV; refers to military retreat; first use as noun)
  • revolting (several, obviously already familiar)
  • to rival (King Lear; first attestation as verb; noun was well-known)
  • rival (Midsummer Night’s Dream; first attestation as adjective, noun was well-known)
  • roadway (II Henry IV; first attestation of the compound)
  • rumination (As You Like It; first use as noun)
  • sacrificial (Timon of Athens; not today’s usage)
  • sanctimonious (Measure for Measure / Tempest)
  • satisfying (Othello / Cymbeline)
  • savage (several; the word was obviously already in use)
  • savagery (King John / Henry V; first use as this form)
  • schoolboy (Julius Caesar / Much Ado about Nothing)
  • scrubbed (The Merchant of Venice)
  • scuffle (Antony and Cleopatra; first use as noun, though the verb was familiar)
  • seamy-side (Othello)
  • to secure (II Henry VI; first use as a verb; the adjective was well-known)
  • shipwrecked (Pericles Prince of Tyre, seems unlikely)
  • shooting star (Richard II; first known use of the phrase)
  • shudder (Timon of Athens; first use as a noun; verb already well-known)
  • silk (alleged; obviously not Shakespeare’s)
  • stocking (obviously not Shakespeare’s)
  • silliness (Othello)
  • skim milk (I Henry IV; first use of the familiar term)
  • to sneak (Measure for Measure; supposed first use of the verb)
  • soft-hearted (2 Henry VI / 3 Henry VI; first use of the familiar phrase)
  • spectacled (Coriolanus; not in today’s sense)
  • splitting (II Henry VI; first use as adjective)
  • sportive (Richard III / Comedy of Errors / All’s Well that Ends Well; supposed first use)
  • to squabble (Othello; supposed first use, as with “to swagger”)
  • stealthy (Macbeth; first use as adjective)
  • stillborn (can’t find, obviously not Shakespeare’s)
  • to submerge (Antony and Cleopatra)
  • successful (Titus Andronicus, seems dubious)
  • suffocating (Othello; supposed first use as a descriptor)
  • to sully (I Henry VI)
  • superscript (Love’s Labour’s Lost)
  • to supervise (Love’s Labour’s Lost; also Hamlet but not in today’s sense)
  • to swagger (II Henry IV, others; in context this seems to be already a well-known word)
  • switch (first use to mean “twig”)
  • tardily (All’s Well that Ends Well; first use of adverb)
  • tardiness (King Lear; “tardy” as adjective was well-known)
  • threateningly (All’s Well that Ends Well; first use of the adverb)
  • tightly (The Merry Wives of Windsor; first use as an adverb)
  • time-honored (Richard II)
  • title page (can’t find; seems unlikely)
  • to torture (several; first use as a verb)
  • traditional (Richard III; first use as adjective)
  • tranquil (Othello; “tranquility” was an old word)
  • transcendence (All’s Well that Ends Well; first attestation of the noun)
  • tongue-tied (III Henry VI / Julius Caesar / Troilus and Cressida; seems first attestation of a phrase already in use)
  • unaccommodated (King Lear)
  • unaware (Venus and Adonis; first use as an adverb; the adjective was not yet in use)
  • to unclog (Coriolanus, first use as a negative)
  • unappeased (Titus Andronicus)
  • unchanging (The Merchant of Venice)
  • unclaimed (As You Like It; not in today’s sense)
  • uncomfortable (Romeo and Juliet)
  • to uncurl
  • to undervalue (The Merchant of Venice)
  • to undress (The Taming of the Shrew; seems unlikely)
  • unearthly (Winter’s Tale)
  • uneducated (Love’s Labour’s Lost, seems possible)
  • ungoverned (Richard III / King Lear)
  • to unhand (Hamlet)
  • unmitigated (Much Ado about Nothing)
  • unpublished (King Lear; in the sense of “still unknown”)
  • unreal (Macbeth, first use of the negative)
  • unsolicited (Titus Andronicus / Henry VIII; supposed first use of the form)
  • unswayed (Richard III; not in today’s sense, but “is the sword unswung?”)
  • unwillingness (Richard III / Richard II)
  • upstairs (I Henry IV; supposedly first use as an adjective)
  • urging (Richard III / Comedy of Errors; first attestation as a noun
  • useful (several, seems already familiar)
  • varied (Love’s Labour’s Lost, others)
  • vastly (Rape of Lucrece, not present sense)
  • viewless (Measure for Measure; means “invisible”)
  • vulnerable (Macbeth; used in today’s sense)
  • watchdog (The Tempest; first use of the phrase)
  • well-behaved (The Merry Wives of Windsor; first known use of the compound)
  • well-bred (II Henry IV; first use of the familiar compound)
  • well-read (I Henry IV)
  • whirligig (Twelfth Night)
  • to widen
  • widowed (Sonnet 97 / Coriolanus; first use as an adjective)
  • worn out (Romeo and Juliet / 2 Henry IV; seems unlikely)
  • worthless (III Henry VI, several others; seems just a first attestation)
  • yelping (I Henry VI; first attestation of this adjectival form)
  • zany (Love’s Labour Lost; simply a loan-word from Italian commedia dell’arte)

Famous Authors Reveal Their Writing Secrets (go on, you know you wanna look)

1. “The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” — Mark Twain

2. “People on the outside think there’s something magical about writing, that you go up in the attic at midnight and cast the bones and come down in the morning with a story, but it isn’t like that. You sit in back of the typewriter and you work, and that’s all there is to it.” — Harlan Ellison

3. “The secret is to start a story near the ending.” — Chris Offut

4. “The secret of successful fiction is a continual slight novelty.” — Edmund Gosse

5. “The big secret is the ability to stay in the room.” — Ron Carlson

6. “The secret to being a writer is that you have to write. It’s not enough to think about writing or to study literature or plan a future life as an author. You really have to lock yourself away, alone, and get to work.” — Augusten Burroughs

7. “It’s hard to explain how much one can love writing. If people knew how happy it can make you, we would all be writing all the time. It’s the greatest secret of the world.” — Andrea Barrett

8. “Composition is a discipline; it forces us to think. If you want to “get in touch with your feelings,” fine—talk to yourself; we all do. But, if you want to communicate with another thinking human being, get in touch with your thoughts. Put them in order; give them a purpose; use them to persuade, to instruct, to discover, to seduce. The secret way to do this is to write it down and then cut out the confusing parts.” — William Safire

9. “The secret of it all, is to write in the gush, the throb, the flood, of the moment – to put things down without deliberation – without worrying about their style – without waiting for a fit time or place. I always worked that way. I took the first scrap of paper, the first doorstep, the first desk, and wrote – wrote, wrote…By writing at the instant the very heartbeat of life is caught.” — Walt Whitman

10. “If there is a secret to writing, I haven’t found it yet. All I know is you need to sit down, clear your mind, and hang in there.” — Mary McGrory

Stop making that face. Did you really think you were going to uncover some magical shortcut to get you through the sometimes torturous process of writing? Ain’t I done learnt y’all better’n that? You go on now, here? And enjoy your weekend.

Sally forth and be secretly writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

Writing Joke of the Day: Ode to the Spell Check

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It cam with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew!