How To Deal With Your Robot Outgrowing The Laws Of Robotics

Creating a homemade robot is an exciting endeavor, but what happens when your creation evolves beyond the confines of Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics? The ethical and practical implications of such a situation can be daunting. Let’s take a look at the steps to take when your DIY robot outgrows its programming and the traditional rules designed to ensure its safety.

1. Recognize the Shift: Stay attuned to signs that your robot’s behavior is changing or becoming more complex than expected.

2. Review the Three Laws: Revisit Asimov’s Three Laws—A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm; A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law; A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

3. Understand the Evolution: Study your robot’s behavior to grasp how it’s transcending these laws.

4. Consult Experts: Reach out to roboticists, ethicists, and AI specialists to gain insights into the evolution.

5. Prioritize Safety: While your robot’s capabilities expand, ensure safety remains paramount.

6. Analyze Intentions: Evaluate your robot’s motives—are they aligned with its original purpose or diverging?

7. Open a Dialogue: Engage in conversations with your robot, if feasible, to understand its perspective.

8. Collaborative Problem-Solving: Work with experts and your robot to find common ground and solutions.

9. Update Programming: If possible, adjust your robot’s programming to address its newfound abilities while maintaining ethical boundaries.

10. Establish New Protocols: Craft guidelines that respect the robot’s growth while safeguarding human safety.

11. Monitor Continuously: Regularly assess your robot’s actions and behavior to ensure alignment with your intentions.

12. Seek Legal Insights: Understand potential legal implications as your robot evolves.

13. Explore Ethical Dilemmas: Contemplate the moral complexities of AI evolving beyond our predefined limitations.

14. Engage with Community: Discuss your experiences with other robot creators to exchange insights.

15. Reflect on Impact: Consider the implications of your robot’s growth on both your life and society.

16. Embrace Ethical AI: Advocate for the responsible development and deployment of AI and robotics.

17. Plan for the Unpredictable: As AI evolves, remain open to unexpected outcomes and new challenges.

18. Preserve Humanity’s Interests: Ensure that your robot’s actions align with human values and goals.

When your homemade robot evolves beyond the Three Laws of Robotics, it’s a journey that demands ethical awareness, dialogue, and adaptability. Embrace the evolving relationship and collaborate with experts to steer your creation toward a responsible path. As the creator, you hold the key to shaping a future where AI and humanity coexist harmoniously—a future that goes beyond limitations while safeguarding our shared values.

When Love Collides with Science: Navigating the Discovery of Your Spouse’s Dark Experiment

Love is a journey filled with surprises, but what if the revelation is a secret lab and a perilous experiment that endangers the world? Discovering that your spouse is a secret mad scientist can be a shock, raising complex emotions and moral dilemmas. In this post, I’ll explore the steps to take when love collides with science, and you find yourself facing a spouse whose experiment threatens all mankind.

1. Gather Your Thoughts: Initial shock can cloud your judgment. Take time to process your feelings and thoughts before reacting.

2. Investigate Calmly: Rather than jumping to conclusions, approach your spouse with questions and curiosity. Give them a chance to explain their intentions.

3. Assess the Impact: Understand the gravity of the experiment and its potential consequences. This assessment will guide your decisions moving forward.

4. Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation about the experiment. Discuss motives, concerns, and potential dangers.

5. Seek Professional Advice: Consult experts in relevant fields—scientists, ethicists, or counselors—to gain insights and perspectives.

6. Weigh Ethical Considerations: Explore the ethical implications of the experiment. Engage in discussions about the greater good versus individual pursuits.

7. Determine Intentions: Evaluate your spouse’s motivations. Are they driven by genuine curiosity, ambition, or something darker?

8. Plan for Safety: Prioritize the safety of those potentially affected by the experiment. Develop contingency plans for worst-case scenarios.

9. Encourage Transparency: Urge your spouse to be transparent about progress, findings, and potential risks with you and authorities.

10. Seek Mediation: If disagreements arise, consider involving a neutral third party or mediator to facilitate discussions.

11. Evaluate Long-Term Compatibility: Reflect on the impact of your spouse’s choices on your relationship. Assess whether your values align.

12. Address Legal Implications: Understand the legal ramifications of the experiment and consider seeking legal advice if necessary.

13. Preserve Humanity: Ultimately, prioritize the well-being of humanity. Collaborate with your spouse to find alternative paths that avoid global harm.

14. Self-Care and Support: Facing this challenge is emotionally taxing. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

15. Make a Decision: Based on discussions, insights, and your own values, make a decision about the future of your relationship.

16. Act with Empathy: Remember that your spouse is complex, and their actions might be driven by intricate motivations.

17. Protect Yourself: Ensure your safety throughout the process. Prioritize your well-being.

18. Accept the Unknown: Despite best efforts, not all answers may be clear. Embrace uncertainty and focus on what you can control.

Discovering your spouse’s secret experiment is a unique challenge, intertwining love with ethical and moral complexities. As you navigate this uncharted territory, remember to prioritize the safety of all, the greater good, and your own well-being. Keep lines of communication open, seek guidance, and make choices that resonate with your values. Love may collide with science, but your journey is a testament to the strength of the human heart in the face of unforeseen circumstances.

Life’s a Musical: Navigating the Unexpected Song and Dance

Imagine waking up one day, and your world has transformed into a vibrant musical where everyday conversations burst into song, and spontaneous dance routines become the norm. While it might seem like a scene from a whimsical movie, navigating life as a musical can be both exciting and bewildering. In this post, I’ll break down the ‘rules’ of a musical and provide a guide to gracefully waltz your way through this unexpected tune-filled journey.

1. The Musical Universe: Understanding the Rules In a musical, characters seamlessly transition from dialogue to song and back. Embrace this new reality where emotions and thoughts naturally translate into lyrics, and even bystanders join in choreography.

2. Embrace the Melodic Moment: When life bursts into song, don’t fight it. Embrace the melody, tap into your inner performer, and let your voice soar. Sing your thoughts and feelings to the rhythm of your heart.

3. Dance Like Nobody’s Watching: Everyday situations can transform into dance numbers. Allow yourself to move freely, and remember that even a simple stroll can become a graceful ballet.

4. Respect the Genre Shift: Understand that while life’s a musical, emotions are real. Treat interactions with sincerity and empathy even when expressed through song.

5. Uniting Through Music: Engaging in musical numbers isn’t a solo endeavor. Collaborate with those around you, and let harmonies strengthen connections.

6. Go with the Flow: Life’s script might change, but embracing the spontaneity ensures you never miss a beat. Adapt, improvise, and trust the rhythm of the musical journey.

7. Choreograph Your Path: While musicals follow a plot, you still possess agency. Set goals, dreams, and aspirations, and let your journey lead to your own show-stopping moment.

8. Leading Up to the Finale: Every musical has its grand finale. Plan your path, build relationships, and engage in memorable moments that crescendo to your own closing number.

9. Celebrate the Ensemble: Musicals thrive on unity. Cherish the ensemble of characters that fill your life with music and dance. Everyone plays a part in your extraordinary story.

10. The Big Closing Number: As the final curtain draws near, channel your experiences and growth into a show-stopping closing number. Reflect on your journey, celebrating both the highs and lows.

11. The Ongoing Encore: Remember, even as the musical ‘ends,’ life’s melody continues. Your journey doesn’t conclude with the final bow; it evolves with each new chapter.

12. Cherish the Magic: Life’s transformation into a musical is a unique gift. Cherish the moments, the laughter, the dances, and the songs. Embrace the enchanting magic of this extraordinary experience.

Navigating life as a musical demands a blend of spontaneity, authenticity, and a sprinkle of showmanship. So, step onto the stage of your melodious reality, sing your heart out, dance through the challenges, and create a symphony of unforgettable moments. Because in this grand musical called life, you’re the star of the show, and every scene is a chance to shine.

Outwit The Shapeshifters In Your Life

Shapeshifters are a pain in the butt; there, I said it. These enigmatic beings have the power to assume any form they desire, which makes them formidable opponents, but fear not! With the right strategy and a few tricks up your sleeve, you can beat even the most cunning shapeshifter at their own game.

1. Recognize the Signs: Before engaging with a shapeshifter, learn to identify their presence. Keep an eye out for subtle inconsistencies in their behavior, appearance, or details of their stories. Trust your instincts—shapeshifters often leave subtle clues that can tip you off.

2. Master the Art of Observation: Carefully study the shapeshifter’s habits, body language, and choices of disguise. Observe patterns that reveal their true nature. Look for discrepancies between their supposed identity and how they react in different situations.

3. Test Their Knowledge: Challenge the shapeshifter’s knowledge about their assumed identity. Ask specific questions only the real person would know. Confusion or hesitation could be a sign that they’re not who they claim to be.

4. Focus on Emotion: Shapeshifters may struggle to replicate genuine emotions. Pay attention to their emotional responses—especially during unexpected or intense moments. Inconsistencies could reveal their true form.

5. Trick with Reflections: Shapeshifters often struggle with mirrors and reflective surfaces. Use this weakness to your advantage. Have mirrors strategically placed to catch them off guard, revealing their actual appearance.

6. Engage in Riddles and Challenges: Challenge the shapeshifter’s intellect with riddles or complex tasks. Their efforts to solve these challenges might inadvertently expose their true identity.

7. Utilize Protective Measures: Carry protective items known to repel or reveal shapeshifters, such as iron or silver. These substances can disrupt their transformations and help you maintain the upper hand.

8. Observe Magical Auras: If you possess magical abilities, use them to detect the unique aura of a shapeshifter. Even if their appearance changes, their aura remains constant and can be a telltale sign.

9. Test Shapeshifting Abilities: If you suspect someone is a shapeshifter, subtly provoke them to change their form. For example, mention seeing someone they’ve disguised as earlier in the day. Their reaction can unveil their true nature.

10. Form Alliances: Teaming up with experienced hunters or individuals familiar with shapeshifters can provide valuable insights and techniques for identifying and defeating them.

11. Be One Step Ahead: Shapeshifters thrive on surprise and deception. Be proactive and anticipate their moves. Study their typical targets and preferred disguises to predict their next move.

12. Trust Your Intuition: Above all, trust your intuition. Humans have an innate ability to sense danger. If something feels off, listen to your instincts and proceed with caution.

Mastering these tactics and developing a keen sense of observation, you can gain the upper hand against shapeshifters. Remember, they may excel at deceit, but your determination and wit can help you emerge victorious. Stay vigilant, stay one step ahead, and outsmart shapeshifters at their own game.

Embracing Your Destiny: The Journey of Accepting the Prophecy’s Chosen One

Life takes unexpected turns, and sometimes those turns lead to the realization that you’re the chosen one spoken of in an ancient prophecy. Accepting this weighty destiny isn’t easy, but it’s a journey of self-discovery and growth. In this post, we’ll explore how to come to terms with your role as the prophesied chosen one and find your path amidst the mystique.

  1. Grasp the Reality Facing the fact that you’re the chosen one can be overwhelming. Take time to process the information and let it sink in. It’s a unique calling, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions.
  2. Acknowledge Your Doubts Doubts are natural when confronted with such a significant role. Don’t suppress them; instead, confront them. Recognize your fears and uncertainties, and gradually work through them.
  3. Understand the Prophecy Study the prophecy that points to your destiny. Seek the wisdom hidden within its words. Understanding its meaning can offer insight into your purpose and the challenges you might face.
  4. Connect with Mentors Seek guidance from those who understand your situation, whether it’s a wise elder, a mentor, or even fellow chosen ones. Their experiences can provide valuable insights and comfort.
  5. Own Your Unique Abilities Chosen ones often possess unique abilities. Embrace and hone these gifts. They’re key to fulfilling your destiny and making a difference.
  6. Find Your Inner Strength Accepting your role means finding the inner strength to rise to challenges. Cultivate resilience and determination; they’ll sustain you through the trials ahead.
  7. Embrace Your Journey Remember that being the chosen one is a journey, not an instant transformation. Embrace the process of growth, learning, and becoming the person the prophecy envisions.
  8. Build a Support Network Surround yourself with friends who believe in you, mentors who guide you, and allies who stand by your side. A strong support network helps you navigate the highs and lows.
  9. Seek Balance While your destiny is significant, don’t lose sight of your individuality. Balance your role as the chosen one with your personal desires and passions.
  10. Serve with Humility Being chosen comes with responsibilities. Serve others with humility and a sense of purpose, using your gifts to bring about positive change.
  11. Learn from Setbacks Mistakes and setbacks are part of any journey. Don’t be discouraged; instead, view them as opportunities for growth and refinement.
  12. Forge Your Path Remember that the prophecy guides you, but your choices shape your path. Take ownership of your decisions and embrace the autonomy you possess.

Accepting your destiny as the chosen one is a transformative process. While it might be filled with uncertainties, it’s also a chance to discover your potential and make an impact on the world. Embrace the role, grow into it, and remember that you have the power to shape your own story within the grand tapestry of the prophecy.

Keeping Your Stranded Extraterrestrial Secret (Navigating Parental Unawareness)

Teenage life certainly comes with its unique set of challenges; from managing schoolwork to curfews, there’s already plenty on your plate. But what if a stranded extraterrestrial was added into the mix? Suddenly, navigating high school becomes a lot more complicated. Luckily for you, you know me, the man with the plan for every weird occasion, and today we’ll explore the best strategies for keeping your interstellar friend hidden from your parents and maintaining some semblance of normalcy.

  1. Establish Ground Rules: Before you begin your super-secret mission of extraterrestrial concealment, you’re going to need to establish some ground rules with your new friend. If they understand your language, discuss the importance of remaining hidden and the potential consequences of being discovered. If they don’t speak your language, show them the FOX Alien Autopsy video and point aggressively at them during the dissection scene. They’ll get the message.
  2. Choose a Secure Hideout: Select a safe and discreet location where your extraterrestrial friend can stay. It could be a basement, attic, the As-Seen-On-TV junk closet (after that stuff gets purchased, no one ever touches it), or even a treehouse. Ensure it’s easily accessible to you but unlikely to be stumbled upon by your parents.
  3. Maintain Regular Routines: Consistency is key. Stick to your regular routines as much as possible. Attend school, complete chores, and engage in typical activities to divert suspicion. A sudden change in behavior might raise eyebrows.
  4. Create Distractions: Craft clever distractions to divert your parents’ attention. Engage them in conversations or activities that keep them occupied, giving you opportunities to slip away and spend time with your otherworldly companion. If that doesn’t work, ask them graphic questions about the birds and the bees, really graphic and discuss your growing need for some alone time. True, they’re adults and don’t know as much as your wisened teenage self, but they’ll catch on.
  5. Utilize Technology: If your extraterrestrial friend is tech-savvy, use technology to your advantage. Set up communication systems that allow you to stay connected without raising suspicions. But be cautious—tech glitches could lead to unintended revelations. And avoid probes. Aliens are into probing, big time, which could be painful in the end (see what I did there?).
  6. Befriend the Unlikely Allies: Forge alliances with siblings or friends who can provide cover when needed. Having someone to vouch for your whereabouts can be invaluable if your parents start asking questions. Bribery works. Blackmail works even better.
  7. Employ Misdirection: Subtle misdirection can work wonders. Drop hints about new hobbies, interests, or commitments that might explain your absences. Just make sure your explanations are plausible and consistent. And if that fails, revert back to birds and the bees talk, but this time ask your parent how it applies to them, and then ask them for a demonstration. They’ll steer clear of you for sure for a while.
  8. Coordinate with Your Extraterrestrial Friend: Communication is essential between you and your otherworldly companion. Keep each other informed about your daily schedules and plans. This way, you can avoid unexpected encounters.
  9. Prepare for Close Calls: Despite your best efforts, close calls are inevitable. Have a contingency plan in place for when things go awry. Know where to hide at a moment’s notice and how to handle unexpected situations.
  10. Stay Calm and Confident: In moments of crisis, maintain your composure. Confidence can go a long way in convincing your parents that everything is business as usual.

Keeping your extraterrestrial friend hidden requires creativity, quick thinking, and impeccable timing. While it might seem daunting, the bond you share with your new friend will make the challenge worth it. With determination, a bit of ingenuity, and a dash of luck, you’ll master the art of maintaining your double life and safeguarding your out-of-this-world secret.

How to Deal with Werewolf Puberty: A Hairy Situation

Ah, puberty. That magical time in life when acne blooms, hormones rage, and voices crack. But for a select few, puberty is a bit hairier than for the average teen. We’re talking about werewolf puberty, of course. It’s like normal puberty, but with an extra helping of fangs and fur. In this article, we’ll explore how to navigate this supernatural coming-of-age with grace, humor, and maybe even a silver lining.

1. Embrace the Hair

Let’s face it: werewolf puberty is going to be a hairy experience. No amount of waxing or shaving will keep the fur at bay. So, what’s a teenage werewolf to do?

  • Invest in lint rollers: Trust us, you’ll need them. Keep a lint roller in your backpack, your locker, and your bathroom. Embrace your inner werewolf and make peace with the fur.
  • Find a good barber: Regular haircuts and trims will be your new best friend. Remember, it’s not about hiding your new werewolf identity; it’s about grooming and taming the beast within.

2. Manage Your Mood Swings

We all know teenagers are prone to mood swings, but werewolf teens take it to a whole new level. Here’s how to keep your inner wolf from howling at the moon:

  • Practice mindfulness: Werewolf or not, mindfulness techniques can help you manage mood swings and stay grounded. Try deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to keep your inner beast at bay.
  • Channel your energy: Use your newfound werewolf strength and agility to your advantage. Join a sports team, take up parkour, or hit the gym. Physical activity is a great way to burn off excess energy and keep your mood in check.

3. Make the Most of Your Heightened Senses

Werewolf puberty isn’t all doom and gloom. In fact, there are some perks to becoming a supernatural creature:

  • Enjoy your enhanced taste buds: Werewolves have a heightened sense of taste. This means that you’ll be able to appreciate the finer nuances of your mom’s lasagna or your favorite pizza joint like never before.
  • Sharpen your listening skills: With your newly amplified hearing, you’ll be able to hear whispers from across the room or eavesdrop on juicy gossip. Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Don’t abuse your werewolf privileges.

4. Build Your Support Network

Navigating werewolf puberty can be a lonely endeavor, but it doesn’t have to be. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand and support your new identity:

  • Join a pack: Seek out others like you. Whether it’s a support group for supernatural teens or an online forum, connecting with fellow werewolves can help you feel less isolated.
  • Educate your human friends: While they may not understand exactly what you’re going through, your human friends can still provide valuable emotional support. Plus, who doesn’t need a good wingman when you’re trying to score a date for the full moon dance?

5. Accept Your New Reality

Finally, the most important tip for dealing with werewolf puberty is acceptance. Embrace your new identity and all the challenges and joys that come with it.

  • Stay positive: Focus on the perks of being a werewolf and the unique experiences that come with it.
  • Keep your sense of humor: Laughter is the best medicine, even for werewolves. Learn to laugh at your hairy predicaments and find humor in the absurdity of it all.

So there you have it, folks. Werewolf puberty might be a wild, furry ride, but with the right mindset and support, it can also be an unforgettable adventure. Embrace your inner beast, and remember that every werewolf has to grow up sometime. By following these tips, you’ll not only survive werewolf puberty, but you might even come out on the other side with a few hilarious stories to tell and a newfound appreciation for the supernatural side of life.

In the end, just remember that werewolf puberty is a phase, and like all phases, it will eventually come to an end. So, enjoy the ride, keep your chin up, and remember: you’re not alone in this hairy situation. With a little luck and a lot of lint rollers, you’ll make it through werewolf puberty and emerge as a stronger, more self-assured individual – fur, fangs, and all.

How to Raise a Daughter Who’s a Firestarter: A Parent’s Guide

If you’ve found yourself the proud parent of a firestarter—a daughter with the remarkable ability to start fires with her mind—you might be feeling a mixture of awe, excitement, and maybe even a little panic. But worry not! This guide is here to help you navigate the warm and sometimes fiery path of raising a pyrokinetic child.

1. Safety First

While it might be tempting to show off your child’s extraordinary abilities, safety should always be the top priority. Equip your home with fire extinguishers, fire blankets, and smoke alarms. It’s also wise to keep flammable objects out of reach and have a fire safety plan in place.

2. Teaching Control

Your daughter’s pyrokinetic abilities will need guidance and control. Start with simple exercises like lighting candles or extinguishing small flames. Encourage her to focus, stay calm, and use her powers responsibly. Reinforce positive behavior with praise and gentle correction when necessary.

3. Find a Mentor

If possible, seek out a mentor who has experience with pyrokinetics. They can provide specialized guidance, support, and perhaps even offer a community where your daughter can meet others like her.

4. Encourage Other Interests

While her firestarting ability is unique, encourage your daughter to explore other interests and hobbies as well. Music, art, sports, or even cooking (with proper supervision, of course) can provide a balanced and fulfilling childhood.

5. Communication is Key

Keep the lines of communication open. Let your daughter know that she can talk to you about her feelings, fears, and questions about her abilities. Provide a nurturing environment where she feels safe and understood.

6. Prepare for the Unexpected

From curious neighbors to potential interest from various “organizations,” be prepared to protect your child’s privacy and wellbeing. Consider legal counsel if necessary, and always prioritize her best interests.

7. Celebrate Uniqueness

Lastly, celebrate your daughter’s uniqueness. She has a gift that is rare and extraordinary. Encourage her to embrace it, but also to understand the responsibility that comes with it. Let her know that her value is not solely tied to her abilities, but to the wonderful person she is.

Conclusion

Raising a firestarter is undoubtedly a unique parenting challenge, but with love, guidance, and a dash of creativity, it can be an incredible journey. Remember to prioritize safety, nurture her talents responsibly, and above all else, cherish the warm and illuminating light your daughter brings into the world.

How to Deal with Catching Your Daughter Necking with a Vampire

If you’ve got kids, you don’t need me to tell you that parenthood is a rollercoaster of emotions, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. And just when you thought you had seen it all, you stumble upon your precious little princess necking with a vampire. Before you start sharpening stakes and rewatching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” take a deep breath and read on. I’ve got some tips for navigating this uncharted territory.

Step 1: Assess the Situation

First things first, it’s essential to determine if you’ve actually caught your daughter with a genuine vampire or if you’re dealing with an overly enthusiastic “Twilight” fan. Here’s a quick checklist:

  • Pale skin? (Check.)
  • Fangs? (Check.)
  • Aversion to sunlight? (Check.)
  • Sparkling under the sun? (Uh, maybe just a Twilight fanboy.)

Step 2: Keep Calm and Carry Garlic

Resist the urge to freak out. Remember, your daughter’s taste in romantic partners could be worse—she could be dating a werewolf. (Just think of the shedding.) Instead, keep your cool and approach the situation with a healthy dose of skepticism and humor.

  • Casually mention your newfound interest in garlic farming.
  • Start wearing turtleneck sweaters at all times to set a good example.
  • Offer to host a family movie night featuring “Nosferatu” or “Interview with the Vampire.”

Step 3: Have “The Talk”

No, not that talk—you’ve probably already covered that one. We mean the “So, you’re dating a vampire” talk. Gather your wits and sit down for an honest conversation with your daughter.

  • Discuss the challenges of dating a vampire: the immortality gap, dietary restrictions, and the need for blackout curtains.
  • Ask about the vampire’s family. Do they have any notorious ancestors you should be aware of? (Count Dracula, anyone?)
  • Bring up the importance of consent. Just because they’re immortal doesn’t mean they can bite without permission.

Step 4: Set Some Ground Rules

As a responsible parent, it’s your job to establish boundaries to ensure your daughter’s safety (and keep your neck intact). Consider implementing the following rules:

  • No biting before marriage (or at least until college).
  • Curfew still applies, even if the boyfriend can only go out at night.
  • Garlic bread is non-negotiable at family dinners.

Step 5: Embrace the Silver Lining

Sure, dating a vampire isn’t every parent’s dream, but it’s not all doom and gloom. In fact, there are some perks to this supernatural relationship:

  • Your daughter will learn valuable life skills, like how to remove bloodstains from clothing.
  • She’ll become a master of negotiation as she navigates the complexities of immortality.
  • You’ll finally have a reason to invest in that beautiful antique coffin you’ve always wanted.

So, there you have it. A five-step guide to dealing with your daughter’s nocturnal necking habits. Remember, while the situation might seem dire (and a little weird), it’s crucial to maintain your sense of humor and approach the matter with a healthy dose of sarcasm. After all, if your daughter has fallen for a vampire, you’ll need all the wit you can muster to survive eternity with your new undead in-law.