Teenage life certainly comes with its unique set of challenges; from managing schoolwork to curfews, there’s already plenty on your plate. But what if a stranded extraterrestrial was added into the mix? Suddenly, navigating high school becomes a lot more complicated. Luckily for you, you know me, the man with the plan for every weird occasion, and today we’ll explore the best strategies for keeping your interstellar friend hidden from your parents and maintaining some semblance of normalcy.

1. Establish Ground Rules: Before you begin your super-secret mission of extraterrestrial concealment, you’re going to need to establish some ground rules with your new friend. If they understand your language, discuss the importance of remaining hidden and the potential consequences of being discovered. If they don’t speak your language, show them the FOX Alien Autopsy video and point aggressively at them during the dissection scene. They’ll get the message.
2. Choose a Secure Hideout: Select a safe and discreet location where your extraterrestrial friend can stay. It could be a basement, attic, the As-Seen-On-TV junk closet (after that stuff gets purchased, no one ever touches it), or even a treehouse. Ensure it’s easily accessible to you but unlikely to be stumbled upon by your parents.
3. Maintain Regular Routines: Consistency is key. Stick to your regular routines as much as possible. Attend school, complete chores, and engage in typical activities to divert suspicion. A sudden change in behavior might raise eyebrows.
4. Create Distractions: Craft clever distractions to divert your parents’ attention. Engage them in conversations or activities that keep them occupied, giving you opportunities to slip away and spend time with your otherworldly companion. If that doesn’t work, ask them graphic questions about the birds and the bees, really graphic and discuss your growing need for some alone time. True, they’re adults and don’t know as much as your wisened teenage self, but they’ll catch on.
5. Utilize Technology: If your extraterrestrial friend is tech-savvy, use technology to your advantage. Set up communication systems that allow you to stay connected without raising suspicions. But be cautious—tech glitches could lead to unintended revelations. And avoid probes. Aliens are into probing, big time, which could be painful in the end (see what I did there?).
6. Befriend the Unlikely Allies: Forge alliances with siblings or friends who can provide cover when needed. Having someone to vouch for your whereabouts can be invaluable if your parents start asking questions. Bribery works. Blackmail works even better.
7. Employ Misdirection: Subtle misdirection can work wonders. Drop hints about new hobbies, interests, or commitments that might explain your absences. Just make sure your explanations are plausible and consistent. And if that fails, revert back to birds and the bees talk, but this time ask your parent how it applies to them, and then ask them for a demonstration. They’ll steer clear of you for sure for a while.
8. Coordinate with Your Extraterrestrial Friend: Communication is essential between you and your otherworldly companion. Keep each other informed about your daily schedules and plans. This way, you can avoid unexpected encounters.
9. Prepare for Close Calls: Despite your best efforts, close calls are inevitable. Have a contingency plan in place for when things go awry. Know where to hide at a moment’s notice and how to handle unexpected situations.
10. Stay Calm and Confident: In moments of crisis, maintain your composure. Confidence can go a long way in convincing your parents that everything is business as usual.

Keeping your extraterrestrial friend hidden requires creativity, quick thinking, and impeccable timing. While it might seem daunting, the bond you share with your new friend will make the challenge worth it. With determination, a bit of ingenuity, and a dash of luck, you’ll master the art of maintaining your double life and safeguarding your out-of-this-world secret.