The Cold Call

“Good afternoon! May I speak with Bailey Archer, please?”

“This is Bailey.”

“Terry here from The Organ Grinder Magazine. Our company has done some research on you based on your recent browser search history and we believe we can help you in your search for vital organs.”

“How do you know about that? I did those searches in Incognito Mode. They’re supposed to be private!”

“Not true, not true. When you use the incognito mode, you are not less susceptible to targeted advertising. Your information is private on your end, but to advertisers and website administrators, this is not the case. Your IP address is not hidden from them, and your searches or browsing habits are still their data.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“There’s a lesson in each conversation, my mother used to say. Do you have a quick minute to discuss a fantastic offer that’s tailor-made just for you?”

“I can spare you exactly one minute, no more.”

“Great! Bailey, I’m sure you’re a busy person and I want to respect your time, so I’ll be brief. If our research is correct, you’re in the market for some vital organs and looking to procure them in huge amounts, is this correct?”

“Prank caller! Prank caller! I’m hanging up the phone!”

“Bailey, I can assure you that I am not affiliated with any sort of law enforcement agency and this is not an effort to entrap you. Your needs are your own affair, I simply wish to make you aware of our magazine and what it offers its premium subscribers.”

“I will not confirm any of the assumptions you have made about me.”

“I understand. The Organ Grinder Magazine is published with premium content in print and then we have more up-to-date articles on our website to drive engagement. Experience tells us that people who share your alleged interest tend to give the print magazine their undivided attention during breaks and that related news and articles are effectively reaching them by email and on our website.”

“And not that I’m interested, but what type of content does your magazine offer?”

“This is the world’s leading magazine devoted to the unique and eclectic hobby of vital organ collecting. Each issue contains many obituaries from animals and humans all over the world offering thousands of vital organs and assorted body parts for sale or trade.  Looking for a liver or a kidney? This is the place. Here is your perfect chance to buy and swap and meet other people who are worse off than you, which coincidentally is an instant confidence booster.”

“You don’t say.”

“With your permission, I’d like to take what I have learned from you during this call, go back to my desk and devise a cost-effective plan for how we could add value to your hobby. I want to make sure that you get the most bang for your buck as possible. Can we schedule a call on either Monday or Tuesday next week so I can present this plan to you?”

“Um, sure, Tuesday at 10 am works for me.

“Fantabulous! Shall I call you on this number and also, please let me know your email address so I can send you my plan and also a meeting invite.”

“Okay. My email is BlackMarketBailey@discreetmail.net.”

“Perfect! I have what I need for now. It’s been great talking to you. I wish you a great rest of the week and I’ll talk to you on Tuesday.”

“Sounds good. Thanks.”

“Oh, one last thing before I forget: The publishers are in no way affiliated with the black market and take no responsibility for subscribers arrested in police sting operations. Thank you, bye for now!”

Text and Audio ©2021 Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

3 responses to “The Cold Call

  1. All disclaimers pop up at the end to spoil the fun and put a damper on elevated spirits. Your title couldn’t have been better – The Cold Call. Now organs may be the fetish of some, but it’s an expensive proposition. And what about the quality of the product and its high level maintenance. I’d say alive is cheaper than dead. But then, we all aren’t flesh enthusiasts. Great writing. Wonderful story, Rhyan. Please keep them coming. 🙂

    Like

    • As gruesome as this may sound, I’ve always been mystified that you can own a house or a car, but you don’t own your own life or body, meaning that suicide is illegal (I’m speaking in terms of terminal cases where the person is in so much pain that they want to die) and you donate your organs after you’re dead but can’t sell them while you’re alive.

      Liked by 1 person

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