Humans. Complicated, right? Fear not! The cosmic dating scene has expanded. With Earth’s planetary borders now open to beings from other galaxies, you no longer have to limit your “looking for love” explorations to this planet. But dating an extraterrestrial? There’s a learning curve. Fear not, lovelorn human, here’s how you can improve your cosmic compatibility.

1. Play it Cool, Earthling.

You might think extraterrestrials are the absolute cuddliest, triggering the urge to scoop them up like a lost puppy. But hold off on that bear hug! Some ETs might think you’re about to star in the next episode of “Galactic Autopsies Exposed.” According to studies from Tokyo’s Interstellar Love Institute, engrossing yourself in something else—like, say, untangling the mysteries of quantum physics—makes aliens more inclined to approach. Surprisingly, they’re even drawn to those who seem a tad aloof!

2. Learn Their Love Language.

Alright, Romeo and Romette, you’ve got some homework. Does your alien crush exchange affections with an affectionate antennae tap? Maybe a gentle mucus secretion? The University of Uranus (yes, chuckle, chuckle) says ETs respond well when treated with familiar affection gestures. But watch out! Traditional human signs of affection might get you a screech or a face full of cosmic venom. Also, a pro tip? Unsolicited intergalactic nudes are a universal no-no.

3. Check Your Scent (and Leave Axe on Earth).

Most extraterrestrials can identify lifeforms through smell, often at nose-tingling levels surpassing human capacity. They might be deterred by that ‘Eau de Alien Tiger’ you splashed on. And if your alien date recoils when you lean in? Probably best to ditch the body spray. Even fellow humans don’t appreciate being trapped in a fog of Axe.

4. When in Rome, Boop Like the Romans.

Extraterrestrial linguistics? A tricky business. Since many ETs primarily communicate through aroma and body postures, it’s all about the body language. Forget the traditional handshake. Embrace the alien-boop, a nasus-to-nasus greeting. No nasus? Offer a fingertip—humanity’s universal olfactory ambassador.

5. Ensure a Safe Exit Strategy.

In the vast universe, size definitely matters. To a pint-sized ET, you might seem like the towering villain from a space horror film. Approach them at eye level (or whatever sensory organ they use) and always keep the exit clear. And that intense gaze you mastered for human dating? A no-go. Many ET species equate prolonged staring with predator behavior. So, perfect those slow, sensual blinks and show them you’re all about peace, love, and intergalactic harmony.

6. Know When to Beam Out.

If your extraterrestrial starts showing signs of distress—maybe their scales change colors or they start emitting Morse-code-like beeps—it’s time to give them space. Not all signs are obvious. Subtle cues, like drooping tendrils or twitching appendages, can also indicate discomfort. Recognize the signs and give them space—literally and figuratively.

Dating across the galaxy is, without doubt, a stellar experience. But remember, whether you’re from Earth, Mars, or Triskelion, consent and mutual respect are universally sexy. Now, go on and shoot for the stars, you intergalactic Casanova or Casanovette!