A Writer Must Be Like God in the Universe

“The author, in his work, must be like God in the Universe, present everywhere and visible nowhere.” —- Gustave Flaubert

In your ordinary everyday existence, you’re merely a person, be it lawful, chaotic, neutral, friendly or antisocial. But when you write, you become something far greater than self. You ascend to the highest self possible and become the god of the universe(s) you create. You know all there is to know and have the ability to think anything into being, and being omniscient, you know full well the folly of making a personal appearance to your characters.

On occasion you may opt to visit your world in the form of a raisonneur or Author Avatar—-a fictionalized version of yourself who is called upon to comment on a given situation, deliver your verdict, and possibly break the Fourth Wall in a self-deprecating fashion, but should never influence the plot and should only be loosely tied to events.

Because you’re god of your universe(s), you also work in mysterious ways by playing the role of The Adversary. You are the force that opposes you. With regards to your characters, in this role you are duplicitous, traitorous, hindersome, curmudgeonly, vindictive, mutinous, licentious, and profane. How can that not sound exciting?

What are you waiting for? Sally forth and be god playingly writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

PS. If you’re experiencing difficulty accessing your inner godhood, perhaps a quick pep talk from Alan Watts will help you on your path:

Speak Boldly of Your Intention to Write

“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses – only results.”  —–Kenneth H. Blanchard

Commitment is what transforms an idea floating around in your head into reality. Putting pen to paper speaks boldly of your intentions and are the actions which speak louder than the words. It’s making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time, year after year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to shape ethereal things. It’s the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.

So, how committed are you?

Sally forth and be writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

A Health Dose of Realism About Writing

  1. Arrogant new aspiring writers usually don’t have decent stories
  2. Shy, unsure aspiring writers anxious to get feedback are more likely to have a decent story
  3. Aspiring writers unable to write decent descriptive prose haven’t found their voice yet
  4. Most new aspiring writer stories have no second act
  5. Most new aspiring writers are under the delusion their idea is more original than it is
  6. Many new aspiring writers, regardless of age, haven’t read the classics, especially within their preferred genre
  7. Because an aspiring writer is an avid reader does not mean they’re a good writer
  8. Fanboys don’t necessarily make good writers; they’re inspired but imitative
  9. Most new aspiring writers with novel manuscripts over 110,000 words don’t have a handle on their story
  10. Many new aspiring writers read too many how-to books and get totally confused
  11. New aspiring writers hate to kill their darlings and their pages are over-populated with them
  12. Experienced writers hate to kill their darlings but do it before asked
  13. First time aspiring writers usually tell biographical stories
  14. Gory, ultra-violent horror is most often written by young men under the age of 25
  15. Dull romantic dramas are most often written by women over the age of 45
  16. Unfunny romcoms are most often written by young men under the age of 25
  17. Action stories are almost always written by men of any age
  18. First time aspiring writers think their first novel is brilliant
  19. Experienced writers will never show you their first story – ever
  20. Experienced female writers write well in any genre
  21. Inexperienced female writers often write about love
  22. Good characters never have bad dialogue
  23. Structure is confusing for the first three stories – then something clicks
  24. Whether a writer is shy or charismatic has no bearing on the quality of writing
  25. No new writer is realistic about breaking in to the business
  26. The location or gender of the writer has no bearing on the quality of the writing
  27. Age does not define an ability to come up with fresh ideas (most fresh ideas are in fact not fresh at all)
  28. Older writers most often write true or historical stories
  29. Young male writers often imitate their favorite authors
  30. Female writers are quite capable of writing great action but rarely do
  31. Divorcees often write about romance or revenge
  32. Most writers haven’t built up a good arsenal of stories; all their eggs are in one basket
  33. New writers think getting an agent is easy and will happen within a year or so
  34. Newly agented writers think their career will automatically take off in a huge way
  35. Experienced writers know they’ll go through many agents over time
  36. Newer writers don’t test their premises or write outlines properly
  37. Writers who regard themselves as writer-savants refuse to write what’s commercial – and may very well succeed after years of failure
  38. Writers who regard themselves as auteurs refuse to embrace that this is a sales job – and melt into a pool of bitter disillusionment and hate publishing houses thereafter
  39. Wealthy writers try to buy their way into the business using the most expensive software and consultants and gurus and melt into a bitter pool of outrage
  40. Writers with disposable incomes obsessively attend conferences more than they actually write
  41. Writers who’ve been disappointed over and over hate consultants or anything designed to help them succeed and nurse outraged, red-hot victim complexes
  42. First stories generally aren’t good
  43. Second stories generally aren’t good
  44. Third stories generally aren’t as bad as the first two
  45. Writers with successful other careers feel entitled to success in getting published
  46. A writer’s determination to keep trying is in direct proportion to their talent
  47. Entitlement is in inverse proportion to talent
  48. Talent is delightful and easy to spot from the first sentence
  49. A bad story is a bad story from the first sentence

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule and this list is merely an observation. You may agree with most, some or none of it at all. If you’re able to turn a Holmesian eye upon yourself and spot a few less than stellar things that relate to you on this list, that’s the first step in making a change for the better.

Sally forth and be writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

  • Boastful, cock-sure writers usually don’t have very good scripts
  • Shy, unsure writers anxious to get notes are more likely to have a good script
  • Writers who can’t write good action lines have no “voice” yet
  • Most beginning writers have no second act
  • Most beginning writers think their idea is more original than it is
  • Many writers, regardless of age, have not seen the classics
  • Because a writer is a cinefile does not mean he or she is a good writer
  • Fanboys do not necessarily make good writers; they are inspired but imitative
  • Most writers with 133 page scripts do not have a handle on their story
  • Many writers read too many how-to books and get totally confused
  • Newer writers hate to kill their darlings and their pages are crowded with them
  • Experienced writers hate to kill their darlings but do it before asked
  • Clumsy, over-written action lines are the most accurate predictor of a bad script
  • First time writers usually tell biographical stories
  • Gory, ultra-violent horror is most often written by young men under the age of 25
  • Dull romantic dramas are most often written by women over the age of 45
  • Unfunny romcoms are most often written by young men under the age of 25
  • Action scripts are almost always written by men of any age
  • First time writers think their first script is brilliant
  • Experienced writers will never show you their first script – ever
  • Writers who use camera directions secretly want to direct
  • Experienced female writers write well in any genre
  • Inexperienced female writers often write about love
  • Good characters never have bad dialogue
  • Bad dialogue is never accompanied by good characters
  • Structure is confusing for the first three scripts – then something clicks
  • Writers who can’t articulate a quick logline have sprawling, confusing scripts
  • Whether a writers is shy or charismatic has no bearing on the quality of writing
  • Good writers never include pictures, maps or music with their script
  • No new writer is realistic about breaking in to the business
  • The location or gender of the writer has no bearing on the quality of the writing
  • Age does not define an ability to come up with fresh ideas
  • Most fresh ideas are in fact not fresh at all
  • It takes a long time to understand “the same but different”
  • Older writers most often write true or historical scripts
  • Young male writers often imitate their favorite movies
  • Female writers do not write American Pie or Harold and Kumar knock-offs
  • Female writers are quite capable of writing great action but rarely do
  • Divorcees often write about romance or revenge
  • Most writers have not built up a good arsenal of scripts; all eggs are in one basket
  • New writers think getting a rep is easy and will happen within a year or so
  • Newly repped writers think their career will automatically take off in a huge way
  • Experienced writers know they will go through many reps over time
  • Younger writers often do not think send thank you notes when they get a read
  • Older writers think Hollywood is more polite than it is
  • Newer writers do not test their premises or write outlines properly
  • Writers who regard themselves as writer-savants refuse to write what’s commercial – and may very well succeed after years of failure
  • Writers who regard themselves as auteurs refuse to embrace that this is a sales job – and melt into a pool of bitter disillusionment and hate Hollywood thereafter
  • Wealthy writers try to buy their way into the business using the most expensive software and consultants and melt into a bitter pool of outrage
  • Writers with disposable incomes obsessively attend conferences and pitch fests more than they actually write
  • Writers who cannot execute a script mechanically generally don’t have a good story
  • Writers who have been disappointed over and over hate consultants or anything designed to help them succeed and nurse outraged, red-hot victim complexes
  • First scripts suck
  • Second scripts suck
  • Third script suck a little less
  • Writers with successful other careers feel entitled to success in Hollywood
  • A writer’s determination to keep trying is in direct proportion to their talent
  • Entitlement is in inverse proportion to talent
  • Young writers think that Hollywood is only for the young
  • Older writers think that Hollywood is only for the young
  • Experienced writers know that Hollywood needs good stories and that a good story and being good in a room trumps age any day
  • Talent is delightful and easy to spot on page one
  • A bad script is a bad script from page one

– See more at: http://www.justeffing.com/tag/being-realistic-about-your-writing/#sthash.EAgP2PBB.dpuf

  • Boastful, cock-sure writers usually don’t have very good scripts
  • Shy, unsure writers anxious to get notes are more likely to have a good script
  • Writers who can’t write good action lines have no “voice” yet
  • Most beginning writers have no second act
  • Most beginning writers think their idea is more original than it is
  • Many writers, regardless of age, have not seen the classics
  • Because a writer is a cinefile does not mean he or she is a good writer
  • Fanboys do not necessarily make good writers; they are inspired but imitative
  • Most writers with 133 page scripts do not have a handle on their story
  • Many writers read too many how-to books and get totally confused
  • Newer writers hate to kill their darlings and their pages are crowded with them
  • Experienced writers hate to kill their darlings but do it before asked
  • Clumsy, over-written action lines are the most accurate predictor of a bad script
  • First time writers usually tell biographical stories
  • Gory, ultra-violent horror is most often written by young men under the age of 25
  • Dull romantic dramas are most often written by women over the age of 45
  • Unfunny romcoms are most often written by young men under the age of 25
  • Action scripts are almost always written by men of any age
  • First time writers think their first script is brilliant
  • Experienced writers will never show you their first script – ever
  • Writers who use camera directions secretly want to direct
  • Experienced female writers write well in any genre
  • Inexperienced female writers often write about love
  • Good characters never have bad dialogue
  • Bad dialogue is never accompanied by good characters
  • Structure is confusing for the first three scripts – then something clicks
  • Writers who can’t articulate a quick logline have sprawling, confusing scripts
  • Whether a writers is shy or charismatic has no bearing on the quality of writing
  • Good writers never include pictures, maps or music with their script
  • No new writer is realistic about breaking in to the business
  • The location or gender of the writer has no bearing on the quality of the writing
  • Age does not define an ability to come up with fresh ideas
  • Most fresh ideas are in fact not fresh at all
  • It takes a long time to understand “the same but different”
  • Older writers most often write true or historical scripts
  • Young male writers often imitate their favorite movies
  • Female writers do not write American Pie or Harold and Kumar knock-offs
  • Female writers are quite capable of writing great action but rarely do
  • Divorcees often write about romance or revenge
  • Most writers have not built up a good arsenal of scripts; all eggs are in one basket
  • New writers think getting a rep is easy and will happen within a year or so
  • Newly repped writers think their career will automatically take off in a huge way
  • Experienced writers know they will go through many reps over time
  • Younger writers often do not think send thank you notes when they get a read
  • Older writers think Hollywood is more polite than it is
  • Newer writers do not test their premises or write outlines properly
  • Writers who regard themselves as writer-savants refuse to write what’s commercial – and may very well succeed after years of failure
  • Writers who regard themselves as auteurs refuse to embrace that this is a sales job – and melt into a pool of bitter disillusionment and hate Hollywood thereafter
  • Wealthy writers try to buy their way into the business using the most expensive software and consultants and melt into a bitter pool of outrage
  • Writers with disposable incomes obsessively attend conferences and pitch fests more than they actually write
  • Writers who cannot execute a script mechanically generally don’t have a good story
  • Writers who have been disappointed over and over hate consultants or anything designed to help them succeed and nurse outraged, red-hot victim complexes
  • First scripts suck
  • Second scripts suck
  • Third script suck a little less
  • Writers with successful other careers feel entitled to success in Hollywood
  • A writer’s determination to keep trying is in direct proportion to their talent
  • Entitlement is in inverse proportion to talent
  • Young writers think that Hollywood is only for the young
  • Older writers think that Hollywood is only for the young
  • Experienced writers know that Hollywood needs good stories and that a good story and being good in a room trumps age any day
  • Talent is delightful and easy to spot on page one
  • A bad script is a bad script from page one

– See more at: http://www.justeffing.com/tag/being-realistic-about-your-writing/#sthash.EAgP2PBB.dpuf

Do You Blindside Yourself With Your Writing? If Not, Why Not?

“Surprise yourself.  If you can bring the story – or let it bring you – to a place that amazes you, then you can surprise your reader.” —– Chuck Palahniuk

Has your writing ever blindsided you? Have your characters ever caught you off guard by saying or doing something clever or revealing a bit of information that you yourself didn’t know? When re-reading a piece that you set aside to cool, have you ever wondered where the ideas, voices, and speculative elements came from and if you have any more of that inside you?

The answer is: Of course there’s more.

Writing is a journey of discovery, and one of the great pleasures of storytelling is that you discover the amazing things that dwell in your brain, things about yourself and your thought processes that you might not otherwise uncover. And besides self-expression, isn’t that the major point of writing?

So, how do you blindside yourself with your talent? You simply let go.

Get out of your own head and write on instinct. Park the perfectionist on the soft shoulder and write your ever-loving heart out. This is part and parcel of learning to be kind to yourself as you write. Your genius can’t flow steadily with someone backseat editing the entire trip. You can always swing back around and pick up the bugger when you’re ready to begin the rewrite.

And don’t begin your story fretting about how it’ll end. Your story is smarter than you give it credit for. When it’s done, you’ll see the pop-up timer.

It’s important to keep in mind whenever you pick up a pen or touch fingertips to keyboard that you’re doing it from a position on the shoulders of the literary giants who came before you, the ones who surprised you with their words, so every time you write, you should follow their lead and surprise yourself.

Sally Forth and be surprising yourself writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

PS. If you have roughly an hour to kill—-I know, it’s the internet and you’ve got memes to see and threads to troll—-you could do a lot worse than lending an ear to Ray Bradbury’s 2001 “Telling the Truth” keynote address of The Sixth Annual Writer’s Symposium by the Sea.

Not only does he counsel aspiring writers to spend their time writing lots of short stories—-even if they’re mostly bad, there’s gotta be a couple of good ones in the bunch—-but he also suggests to write with joy and for fun, and to let yourself be surprised by your writing and by life.

Sometimes Ya Just Gotta Write Badly in Order to Write Goodly

“The first draft of anything is shit.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Story ideas are like Christmas come early. You just can’t wait to unwrap them to reveal the goodies they hold. They also have the distinction of being a brand-spanking-new toy to play with. Your interest and enthusiasm levels are high and you’re chomping at the bit to transcribe your brilliant newborn onto paper. Life doesn’t get much better than this.

Then, somewhere along the way—-usually in the middle of Act 2—-the bloom is off the rose and finishing the piece becomes an arduous, nigh impossible task because either your interest has changed or your inspiration got a flat tire and you don’t have a spare in the trunk. The first telltale sign of trouble is that very last sentence you wrote that just doesn’t seem to work, no matter how you tweak it.

My advice? Let it be bad.

Your goal at this stage should be to get through your first draft as quickly as possible. It’s like that saying, you can’t see the forest for the trees. Well, that sentence or paragraph that you’re stuck writing and re-writing is the tree and you still have plenty more trees to clear before worrying about how pretty and perfect your forest is.

So, write through to the end, then you can take a step back, see the real shape of your story, and go about the process of polishing it to perfection—-or as close to that as you’re able to manage. But in order to get to that place, you first have to give yourself permission to write badly.

You can start by promising yourself you won’t tell anyone just how eye-burningly awful the first draft was and we’ll all be none the wiser. You can keep a secret, can’t you?

Sally forth and be courageously bad writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

Neil Gaiman on Writing: From The Nerdist Podcast

Neil Gaiman chats with the nerds about American Gods, describes scenes that were cut from his Doctor Who episode, The Doctor’s Wife and doles out phenomenal advice for aspiring writers.

If you’re interested in listening to the entire interview:

Nerdist Podcast: Neil Gaiman

Sally forth and be writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

Popular Made Up and Misused Words That Need to be Given Their Walking Papers

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Irregardless isn’t a word. The one you’re looking for is regardless.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

So not a word. Supposedly is, though.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

The only way this exists is if flustered and frustrated had a baby. And they didn’t.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Can we conversate a moment about the proper usage of the word converse?

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Random doesn’t mean weird or goofy. It means, “without definite aim, direction, rule, or method.”

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

It’s sherbet.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

So that means you do care a little bit? Perhaps you mean you couldn’t care less?

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Intents. And. Purposes.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Please enunciate when you make up words. Or even annunciate. Certainly don’t announciate.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

It’s foliage. FO-LEE-IDGE.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

There’s no X in espresso, ma’am.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Nauseous means to cause nausea. If you’re sick, you’re nauseated.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

C’mon, no Z sound!

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Misestimate or underestimate. You can’t have both. Don’t be greedy. Misunderestimate is a charming Bushism that should be left in the past.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

The correct phrase is simply vice versa.

17 Misused And Made Up Words That Make You Rage

Nother is nonstandard. Just say another or whole other.

Sally forth and be correctly speakful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys

Wanna Succeed as a Writer? Buddy Up to Failure, it’s the Best Friendship You’ll Ever Make

failure-is-awesome-a-manifesto-for-your-20s-so-you-dont-suck-at-life-1-638.jpg

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. —- Theodore Roosevelt

The act of bollocksing it up, getting it all wrong and falling flat on your literary face is the worst, most evil thing that can be thrust upon the fragile ego of a creative person. No writer ever wants to be standing hip-deep in a congealing bucket of epically proportioned failure. Not only does it cling to you, branding you with the scarlet letter of incompetence, but the fumes from it seep into your pores and attack your confidence, enthusiasm and self esteem.

And even worse than failing? Atychiphobia:

From the Greek phóbos, meaning “fear” or “morbid fear” and atyches meaning “unfortunate” atychiphobia is the abnormal, unwarranted, and persistent fear of failure, often leading to a constricted lifestyle, and is particularly devastating for its effects on a person’s willingness to attempt certain activities.

But “fear of” is getting kicked to the curb in this post because—if you haven’t sussed it from the title—I’m actually advocating for failure, which in my insolent opinion, gets a bad rap.

When you first begin to write for an audience, or writing in a genre that’s new to you, or in a different format, etc., your first attempts will most likely not be optimal. No two ways about it. No getting around it. Why? Because your life isn’t a movie, wunderkind wasn’t conveniently inserted into your backstory, and greatness isn’t DNA-encodable at this point in time, it still has to be strived for.

You. Will. Fail. Fail to connect with your audience. Fail to notice logic issues in your plot easily spotted by a reader. Fail to end a story properly (if you even complete it at all). Fail in your use of words to convey the intended images. Fail to make a sale. Fail to impress your literary heroes. Fail to please everyone (always), the majority (on occasion), and anyone (trust me, it happens).

The only surefire way to avoid writing failure is to either never commit your ideas to paper–let them swirl around in the magical kingdom of your imagination, living their Peter Pan existence, as you vegetate in front of the TV–or never put your writing out into the world. If either of these sound like a viable solution, good on you and go for it. I’m not here to judge.

If, however, you’re not satisfied with letting ideas fester in your gray matter as you wait for the opportunity to unleash your genius in that perfect moment that never ever seems to swing around your way, you’ll need to look disappointment square in the eye and accept the fact that the outcome of your writing endeavors will not always line up with your expectations.

And though I’m not here to judge, should you actually consider never committing your ideas to paper, one possible adverse effect is that idea can metamorphosize into a bloated squatter that takes up an unnecessary amount of mind space, thereby blocking the arrival of new ideas. If it were me, I’d serve it an eviction notice and make way for a new tenant. But that’s just me. Still no judgements.

Once you’ve wrapped your noggin around the simple truth that you will fail and have given up feeling hopeless, weak, and belittling both yourself and your talents, you’re finally ready to accept the fact that failure plays a very important, incredibly positive role in your writing life. In fact it offers you a chance to grow and learn.

The first step in learning how failure breeds success is to let yourself fail a few times. Experience it in it’s totality. When you discover that it does not, in fact, destroy you, feel free to brush yourself off and climb back on the horse. All successful writers have experienced failure (and a great deal of the time the success/fail ratio favors the negative) but what made them successful is they weren’t afraid to fail and if they did, they just learned from their mistakes and moved on.  They didn’t allow themselves to be defeated by rejection, hurt or disappointment.

There will be those of you who poo-poo (yeah, I said poo-poo, deal with it) the notion of getting accustomed to failure because you personally know someone whose first ever novel made the bestsellers list, whose first draft screenplay became a Hollywood blockbuster, whose tweets became a TV series, blah-blah-blech. There’s a professional name for that phenomenon. It’s called a miracle. Right place, right time, all the planets fall into alignment. This is great when/if it happens, but you shouldn’t factor it into your overall game plan. It’s akin to being dirt poor and signing the deed on a mansion just because you’re sure you’re gonna win the lottery.

Well, writing calls, so I must be off–I’m sure I’ll speak more on this topic in the future–but before I go, let me leave you with a list to help you on your way to palling up with failure:

  1. Read.
  2. Write.
  3. Fail.
  4. Learn.
  5. Repeat.

It’s as simple, and as difficult, as that.

Sally forth and be writeful.

Amy Tan’s Lonely, ‘Pixel-by-Pixel’ Writing Method

c332e8337

Amy Tan, author of THE JOY LUCK CLUB on her writing process:

“As a result, I err on the side of going into too much detail when I do research and write. I abandon 95 percent of it. But I love it. It’s part of my writing process. I never consider it a waste of time. I never know where I’m going when I write. It’s the same reason I never come to conclusions about anything…. We have to turn it in—and at that point, you are guided by craft. You get to do your anarchy, try this and try that, try everything, and then apply craft.”

Read the entire article here.

Sally forth and be TANingly writeful.

— Rhyan Scorpio-Rhys