The Sextraterrestrial Experience

To those adults who hold on to their virginity as a point of pride, we salute you! This message is not intended for you. If, however, you are among the twenty-nine percent of the world population gagging for a shag but find yourself taking up permanent residence in the friend zone, we might have just the solution for you!

At The Sextraterrestrial Experience, we know that today’s men and women are faced with far more difficult sexual choices than ever before. The spectre of rejection, virginal ridicule, sexually transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancy looms large in a society where people display not only their own lives, but yours as well on social media.

Sexually inexperienced adults today need new choices that reflect the reality of their complex lives. Abstinence is often preached by the self-righteous them-what-knows-what’s-best-for-your-life pundits, but that’s simply not a realistic approach to modern day sexuality. To hear the marriage-first-nookie-later brigade, you’d think even masturbation would lead to the end of civilization.

But there is a way to stop shy, socially awkward virgins from transforming into frustrated InCels and mucking up life for the rest of us. Now anyone, and we do mean anyone can enjoy rich and satisfying sexual intimacy without risking rejection based on appearance or personality.

Welcome to the world of Alien Sex!

That’s right, extraterrestrials have grown bored with secretive farmland abductions and nonconsensual probing and are now eager to explore human relations in all its various forms. Best of all, these curious visitors from a distant star are not compatible with humans on a procreation level, so no unwanted pregnancies, are not capable of transmitting any earthborn sexual diseases, have no racial, age, or gender bias, and they do not blink at kink, so you can feel free to experiment and if you discover that you have a freak flag, let it fly with confidence.

Nothing’s too foreign for the foreignest of them all…Aliens!

Disclaimer: The Sextraterrestrial Experience is not a bordello, it is a matchmaking organization for intergalactic species singles looking to engage in consensual, guilt-free amorous congress. Applicants should not be married or in a committed relationship, do not necessarily need to be virgins, but must be 18 or older. Although The Sextraterrestrial Experience, LTD, makes it their business to thoroughly screen participating extraterrestrials for all known planetary sexually transmitted diseases, we strongly advise the use of protection as we assume no responsibility for any off-world diseases contracted from any contact, intimate or otherwise, with an alien lifeform.

3 responses to “The Sextraterrestrial Experience

  1. How did the Muse inspire this one?

    Also:
    “To hear the marriage-first-nookie-later brigade, you’d think even masturbation would lead to the end of civilization.

    But there is a way to stop shy, socially awkward virgins from transforming into frustrated InCels and mucking up life for the rest of us.”

    Hahahahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

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